


Perfectly Imperfect

by orphan_account



Series: Perfectly Imperfect [1]
Category: Chicago Fire, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Autism, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobic Slurs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Molly's (Chicago Fire), No Smut, PTSD, Platonic Relationships, Slurs, Trauma, autistic!casey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:54:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28598019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: An AU in which Matt Casey is a twenty-two year old man living with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) working in a public library, who meets twenty-nine year old CFD's Squad 3 Lieutenant, Kelly Severide.The two men meet, and it's pretty much at love at first sight for Kelly, as he falls head-over-heels for the anxious blonde. But throughout their love-story, both men are about to face the harsh reality that our world can be cruel, and when someone is different, they are susceptible to verbal and physical violence. How many punches can Kelly throw to defend his boy before the younger's self-esteem starts to crumble away, piece by piece?~~~ TAGS LAST UPDATED: 02/03/21 ~~~
Relationships: Kelly Severide & Leslie Shay, Leslie Shay/Original Female Character(s), Matthew Casey & Leslie Shay, Matthew Casey/Kelly Severide
Series: Perfectly Imperfect [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2095539
Comments: 109
Kudos: 109





	1. Eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rainbow_Trout](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbow_Trout/gifts).



> Word count: 2,176 words.
> 
> gifted to Rainbow_Trout b/c they're a new friend, and she's awesome - go read their works! :)
> 
> everything Casey experiences in this series is something i (as an autistic person) either currently struggle with, or have struggled with in the past, due to my autism. nothing is made-up, and the symptoms/traits/characteristics of Casey's autism are all very personal to me, so please avoid being disrespectful. :)

_"So who is this guy?" Kelly asked, taking off his shirt as he was getting ready for a shower after shift. "He's a friend, Kelly. I said that already." Shay replied, fixing something on the stove for dinner. "His name's Matt, he's twenty-two, works in a library, lives in a crappy apartment 'cause that's all he can afford." She continued. "What's a twenty-two year old kid doing living on his own? He's barely an adult." The twenty-nine year old lieutenant asked. "His home situation was a bad deal - mom shot his dad right in front of him, got thrown in jail. No one else in his family wants to take him in. Apparently they're too good to deal with an adult with autism." She answered, shaking her head at the last sentence - it annoyed her, the way people treated her friend. He was the sweetest person ever, yet he was all alone in the world, if not for her._

_"Autism? He's autistic?" Kelly inquired, but with no sign of repulsion or disapproval in his tone. In Severide's mind, people were people, regardless of any issues or disabilities they may carry on their shoulders. "Yeah." Shay answered, taking a pan off its burner once their dinner she had prepared was ready. "You better hurry up with your shower - food's going to get cold."_

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


Kelly entered Molly's with Otis and Cruz behind him. The place was relatively full, but he knew it'd get fuller as the night progressed. He spotted Shay sitting beside a young-looking blonde man. It must be the kid, Matt, that she said she'd bring with her to the bar. He smiled as he saw the kid staring down at his glass of what looked like pop - coke or pepsi, perhaps. He was patting his ears occasionally, seemingly in his own world even though Shay was right next to him, and the fact that he was in a bar full of people. 

He approached the two, patting Leslie's shoulder, "Hey Shay." She looked up, smiling, "Hey! Kelly, this is Matt Casey - Matt, this is Kelly Severide." She said, grabbing Matt's attention. He didn't make eye contact with Kelly, but he muttered a "hello Kelly" whilst still patting his ears. "Hey Matt. How's it going?" Severide replied, taking a seat beside the blonde-haired man. "Fine." Matt answered, still not looking at the squad lieutenant. Kelly watched with interest as Matt held his hands over his ears now instead of doing the patting-thing he had been exercising earlier. 

"Hey bud, is it too loud in here?" Shay asked. "Here, want this?" She continued, pulling a fidget-toy from her purse. "I brought it with me for you. You left it behind at the library; your boss called to let me know." The toy was a blue-and-red rubber squishy-thing that for some reason, made the blonde male's eyes shine once Shay placed it near him. He immediately grabbed for it, fidgeting with it in his fingers. 

The sight made Severide smile for some reason - the kid just looked so happy with something so miniscule, in Severide's mind. Little did he know the fundamental impact that the stim-toy had on Matt, when he was in discomfort or a stressful situation. It was so … pure. And Shay caught that all-too-familiar Severide-smile, and smiled to herself knowingly. Kelly had a crush. 

Once Matt had gotten used to the loud voices and music surrounding him, he began engaging in conversation with Kelly and Shay - although eye-contact still remained a struggle. Kelly didn't mind, though. He almost didn't notice, actually. He was too focused on the way Matt's voice was so soft, silky, and comforting. 

"So, what's your job in the library? What department are you in charge of?" Severide asked Matt, sipping on the bottle of beer he had asked for from Herrmann. Matt was still fidgeting with the toy when he answered, "I stock the shelves when books come back from being borrowed, I make sure everything's always in the correct place, and I help people find books when they need it." 

"Sounds good. You like to read, Matt..?" Kelly asked, all-around intrigued by the blonde boy, and wanting to know more about him. Matt nodded, "Yeah. I read a lot." He answered. "Matt's a super-reader," Shay piped up. "He can go through an entire series in a week. He'd stay up five nights in a row if he really liked the story." Kelly grinned, "Wow, really? That's impressive. Favorite series..?" He asked, polishing off the last drop of beer in the bottle. "Percy Jackson." Matt answered almost instantaneously, nearly cutting Kelly's question off. 

The man smiled fondly, "Yeah? Never read it. Although, I was never one for books. Or reading in general. You can probably imagine how well I did in school." He said, chuckling to himself. Matt looked confused, "I can't, sorry. How did you do in school?" Kelly furrowed his brows, "Oh it was a joke - I did shit in school." 

Kelly thought perhaps Matt was joking, that he did know what Kelly said had been a joke. But Matt's face still remained confused, a crease forming in the middle of his forehead. "Oh." He replied. "I'm sorry." 

"No need for apologies, bud." Shay said, quick to step in, throwing a quick glance at Severide. "Want another diet-coke? Or you want to start heading out?" She asked, smiling warmly at her blonde-haired friend. "No." He replied. "Let's go." His answers were abrupt, and to most, would've seemed rude. But Shay wasn't most people. Shay understood Matt, and never took offense when he was quick in his replies. 

"You want to come back to mine and Shay's?" Kelly asked quickly. He couldn't help it, he didn't want the night to end yet. He wanted to spend a little more time with the blonde man. For the first time in the evening, Matt met Kelly's eyes, and he nodded, "Yeah. Okay." And, oh God, Kelly’s heart may as well have just melted right then and there, because Matthew Casey’s perfect-blue eyes were going to be the death of him. “You want to ride with me, or Shay?” Kelly asked, already pulling the keys from his pocket as the three adults made their way towards Molly’s exit. Severide felt that the question was no big deal, and yeah, maybe it wasn’t to most people, but Leslie could practically see the gears turning in Casey’s head as he tried to work out what the ‘correct’ answer could be. 

See, Matt worried and stressed a lot about what the ‘right’ decision was, when being asked questions like the one Kelly just asked him. Always afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, or saying something socially-unacceptable, he’d think for what felt like an eternity to the person asking the ‘simple’ question. His right hand came up slightly, to where his chest was, and he flicked it vigorously a few times - a way to burn off the uncomfortable tingly-feeling that was the excess energy build-up. Kelly was puzzled; what was he doing? Why was he taking such a long time to answer? 

But Shay came to the rescue; “Hey, why don’t you ride with me? I hate driving in the dark - you could be my moral support.” She said, smiling at the conflicted blonde boy. He looked up, his eyes seeming to be asking, _‘should I?’_ because he really _really_ didn’t want to offend or hurt anyone’s feelings - ‘anyone’ being Severide. Shay’s only answer was another smile, this one more-so reassuring than anything. So Matt nodded, still flicking his right hand, and gave a small wave -with his left hand- to Kelly and, still struggling with meeting the new man’s gaze, he said, “See you in a bit.”

With that, he was off, walking towards Shay’s car without looking back to see if the paramedic was following him. She glanced at Kelly, “Don’t drive too fast.” To that, he scoffed, “Never.” The two friends shared a look, and Kelly chuckled - _‘yeah right.’_ They both thought. 

The short drive home was quiet, as Kelly’s mind reeled. Matt was so intriguing - and not because of his quirks due to being autistic, but because the lieutenant was genuinely interested in him. His smile could light up a room, and oh, the crinkles that formed by his eyes when he grinned or laughed. Kelly found himself smiling at the thought, his heartbeat quickening. “You’re whipped.” He whispered to himself - but fuck if he cared. 

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


“Matt, want a drink?” Kelly asked, when the three were back in Shay’s and his shared apartment, standing by the opened fridge. “Water.” The blonde replied, adding a “please” when he realized his response was a bit too curt, and _‘please’_ was just something you say when someone offers you something, according to Shay. 

The blonde paramedic was the one who was more of a mom than anything to the twenty-two year old. Matt’s parents had treated his autism awfully. They never bothered to teach him correct tactics, they only screamed at him when he did something ‘wrong’ or said something a bit too straight-forward that it came off as rude or offensive. 

“Water?” Kelly asked. “I got beer and a bottle of Jack.” 

“Water.” Matt repeated. “I hate Jack, and beer might as well be the same as pissing in a bottle and putting it in the fridge to drink for later.” 

Shay nearly spit out the cracker she was munching on, standing by the kitchen cupboards. Kelly expected to see a smile on Matt’s face -because he was making a joke, right?- but the blonde’s expression was serious, his voice monotone. When he saw the expression of surprise on Kelly’s face as his rather-inappropriate choice of words, and the stifled-giggle practically dangling off of Shay’s lips, he knew he fucked up. 

He dropped Severide’s gaze, cheeks turning red. “I’m sorry.” He said. “Um, I don’t like beer, I’ll just have water … please.” 

And, again, Severide was confused. Because, while the choice of words weren’t something that should’ve been said in this certain time and place, and also considering he and the blonde just met, he _did_ find Matt’s phrase rather amusing. He chuckled, “Don’t apologize; I thought it was funny. Although, I would imagine piss wouldn’t be able to get you drunk.” At that, Matt felt encouraged; Kelly wasn’t appalled by his crude choice of language -because, let’s be honest, Lieutenant Severide wasn’t exactly all prim-and-proper, either- nor did he make the kid feel bad about what he had said. And, Kelly probably didn’t even know what his dismissal of a ‘joke’ had meant to Matt - because not everyone had always made the blonde feel as comfortable as Kelly was making him feel in that moment. 

Shay smiled, knowing what was going through Matt’s mind. She nibbled on another cracker, pouring a glass of water for her friend once she took the water-pitcher from Kelly’s hands. 

Their time together was fun; they spent the evening playing a game of poker, eating snacks, engaging in the occasional chatter -with Matt meeting Kelly’s gaze, with those pretty-blue eyes that were totally knocking down Kelly’s confident character, causing the silver-haired man to blush- and then before they knew it, it was Midnight. But Kelly was feeling sad, because as much as he was tired, he didn’t want Matt to go. 

Shay was putting on her coat, handing Matt his own, because she had to drive him back to his place. Kelly watched as Matt carefully double-knotted his laces, zipping his coat up to his chin, and stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Good night, Kelly. Thank you for having me.” He said, shuffling his feet, eyes trained to the hardwood floor - Shay read his body-language, he was getting tired. He wanted to go now. “It was nothing, it was nice meeting you.” Severide replied, smiling warmly, even though Casey wasn’t looking. 

“Don’t wait up.” Shay told her room-mate, before taking Matt’s arm, ready to bring him to her car to drop him off at his home. “Yeah, I won’t- Hey, wait Matt. Uh -” He shuffled around, trying to find his phone. He tugged it out of his back-pocket, unlocking it, and handing it out to the blonde. “I’d.. like to call you sometime. Can I have your number..?” 

Shay could have let out a squeal at that, nearly ‘awww-ing’ at Matt’s blush that crept onto his face. Kelly glared at her as if to say _‘shut up’_ before his eyes returned to Matt, who was staring at Kelly’s unlocked phone. 

“Um, yeah, sure -” Casey replied, taking it, punching in his mobile number. “There you go..” He said, handing the cell phone back to Severide. Kelly smiled wide, “Thanks. Good night, Matt. Drive safe, Shay.” The paramedic nodded -her shit-eating smile still plastered on her face- before heading out the door with Matt leading the way. When the door closed, Kelly may have done a little leap in the air as he made his way to his bedroom - but he’ll never admit it to anyone. 

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


**_CHAPTER ONE: Eyes_ **


	2. In 48 Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forty-eight hours after Severide and Matt meet for the first time, Kelly decides that he wants to visit the blonde-haired kid that he cannot stop thinking about.
> 
> Word count: 2,496 words.

No less than 48 hours later, Severide was making his way to the library. Yes, it’s cliché; sign out a book to impress your crush, because reading is one of his hobbies. But Kelly didn’t care, he just wanted to see the kid again, and he’d been too nervous to call him. What time did he even finish work? What if he called, and Matt was asleep, or something? What if he called while he was cooking, eating, or taking a shit..?

… Yes, he overthought a  _ lot.  _

He parked his car in the parking lot, whipping his keys around on his index finger, as he made his way towards the entrance. He bit his lip as he entered; the place was too fucking quiet. Nevertheless, he scanned the room for Matt, but the boy was nowhere in sight. But, Shay did say he was working today. He strode up to the inquiries desk, to which an elderly lady with big, round glasses looked up. “Hi, can I help you?”   
  
“Yeah, uh- I’m looking for Matt Casey..?”

“Should be towards the back end; he’s stocking shelves in aisle eight.” 

Kelly nodded his thanks, and headed towards the shelves. He smiled as he passed the children's area; there was a young woman reading to a group of maybe eleven little kids. One little boy was picking his nose, and rubbed it on the girl next to him. The tiny girl squealed and cried for her mom. The little boy wore a mischievous grin, covering his mouth to hide a giggle. That caused Kelly to chuckle to himself as he made his way to aisle eight. 

The sight of the blonde-haired man precisely placing the books in a line on a lower shelf made Kelly smile. "Hey Matt." The boy jumped, looking up, "Kelly." He said in surprise, biting the inside of his cheek nervously. "Um, hi.. What- What're you doing here? Aren't you working?" 

"Nope. I'm off shift today. Shay told me you were here, so I thought I'd hang around for a bit.. Um, also, I.. I might do some reading?" He said, scratching the back of his neck, averting his gaze. He didn’t know what the hell it was about this kid that made him all tongue-twisted. He swallowed, “Can you recommend me anyth-”

“Percy Jackson.” Matt replied, smiling, and stuffing his hands in his pockets sheepishly once he realised he cut Kelly off. But the squad lieutenant didn’t even care, he only smiled back. “Yeah? Can you point me towards where those books are..?” He asked, his smile stretching wider. God, this kid was the purest most adorable thing to walk the damn planet…

Matt nodded slowly, biting his lip as he felt his cheeks flush. “Um, here, they’re this way..” He said, beckoning Kelly to follow him towards the fantasy and fiction section of the library. He swept his arm in a straight line, signaling to Kelly that; “This is where you’ll find the series. You can also find other series’ like, um, Harry Potter - if you think you’d like that. There’s also books here that aren’t a part of any series, but still under the fantasy/fiction genre. If you think you’d want to check out any romance books, or um, fiction that isn’t fantasy, that’s in the next aisle. Oh! We also have non-fiction, of course- We have a huge section with books on different animals - all kinds, domestic and wild. We have a ton of books on sharks; I could point you towards some on Great White’s- I love Great White sharks; did you know that Great White’s are the largest predatory fish on the planet?? Predatory fish are fish that eat other fish - it sounds kind of barbaric, to eat your own kind, but if you consider it, where else would they find any form of meat in the sea, you know? As humans, we have tons of meat to choose from - we aren’t just stuck with a select few choices, like they are. Oh, and -” He stopped once he realised he was going on-and-on..

“I’m sorry..” He muttered, looking down at his shoes bashfully. Kelly shook his head, “What for?” He asked sweetly, tilting his head and offering the blonde boy a smile - although, Matt wasn’t looking him in the face right now. “For.. For rambling, and probably boring you.. Most people get annoyed when I ramble- I can’t help it sometimes, I.. I just love certain things so much, and can’t help but talk about it.” Matt said quietly, still looking at his shoes. “Matt, you can ramble all you want to me. I’ll listen for hours, if need be. You don’t bore me, Matt. Don’t think you ever will. It’s great that you have passions - everyone does.” 

Matt bit his lip, looking up slowly, forcing himself to make eye contact; Shay told him to try and do that, because "it's important when you're flirting."  _ 'Is that what's happening? Is he flirting with me?'  _ How would he know? No one's ever flirted with Matt, nor has he ever flirted with anyone. He's never had his first kiss or a partner. When his dad was alive, and he lived at home, they practically kept him under lock and key so he wouldn't embarrass them with his "retarded-ness." 

Matt suddenly bit his lip, flicking his right hand aggressively by his side, his gaze dropping to the floor. 

"Matt..? Hey, you okay?" He asked, reaching out to touch the boy's shoulder - bad move. Matt cringed, making a sort of low but high-pitched moan, shaking his head hard. Kelly darted his hand back, "Sorry, sorry.. Just- I meant what I said, okay? I'm gonna look through some books, and let you get back to work.. I can stay 'til you're done. Maybe you can come back to mine and Shay's with me..? I'll order pizza?" 

That stunned the boy. "What?" He asked, dumbfounded. Why would Kelly want to spend  _ more  _ time with him? 

"I want you to have dinner with me.." Kelly replied, smiling shyly. "Shay's out on a date, so it'll just be us - is that fine?" He asked, not wanting to make Matt uncomfortable; they had only just met, who knew if Matt liked the idea of spending the evening alone with basically a stranger. 

"Oh, um.. Yeah, that- that's fine.. I finish in about three hours, though. You won't be bored?" The blonde asked, making himself look back into Kelly's eyes, but also flicking his right hand again by his side. Kelly was curious as to why he did this, but he didn't ask. He instead just shook his head, "Nope. I'll do some reading on the couch by the front. Come find me when you're done, okay?" Matt nodded slowly, smiling, and biting his lip.  _ 'Does this count as a date??'  _ Matt thought to himself, but shook it out of his brain as he watched Kelly walk away. 

He scurried back to aisle eight, pulling out his phone. He hurriedly tapped out a message to Leslie;  _ "HELP ME!!!!!!!"  _

Realizing that that seemed like he was hurt or in trouble -that's how it'd look in Shay's paramedic brain- he sent another message;  _ "I think Kelly's asking me on a date? He came to the library, asked me to come over for dinner - pizza."  _

Within moments, a reply appeared: 

**Leslie Shay:** _ "Stay calm, buddy. Be yourself, and you'll be fine. Kelly likes you for YOU. Remember that. Love you, Matt."  _

**Matt:** _ "Okay. Love you back. Good luck on your date (Kelly told me). Anything serious?  _

Again, within moments, there was a reply from the blonde woman: 

**Leslie Shay:** _ "Not sure yet. I'll tell you how it goes, Matty. Get back to work now, okay? Remember; be yourself, and everything's going to be ok :)"  _

**Matt:** _ "Okay. Thanks. :)"  _

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


After his shift was over, Matt clocked out, and made his way over to Kelly; the squad lieutenant was sitting on the couch, a stack of books that he signed out beside him, watching something on his phone. He saw Matt approaching, took out his earbuds, smiling up at the blonde. "Hey. All done?" Matt nodded, hands in his pockets, "Um.. So, what'd you get?" He asked, motioning to the books. "The first book for the Percy Jackson series, a couple books on puppy-training -Shay's been harping on me about getting a dog, so I wanna know how to train the thing before I agree- and one on the history of Great White's." Kelly replied, nearly chuckling fondly at the wide smile that appeared on Matt's face at the mention of the shark book. The blonde shyly looked down, biting his lip, his hands flapping loosely by his side - something he did when something excited him, or when he was hyper fixating on something. Actually, he did this for lots of different reasons, it was something he'd been doing ever since he could remember - something his dad slapped him for once, his wedding ring bruising Matt's cheekbone. 

He shot his hands down as if he's just been slapped again, the memory racing through his brain, causing him to rock on his heels; that low but also high-pitched moan emitted from his lips again. Kelly frowned, "Matt? Hey, what's wrong..?" He asked, refraining from touching the kid this time. Matt shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut to try and block out the flashbacks from happening. He took a deep breath, exhaling sharply, eyes still shut. 

Kelly was concerned. "Matt..? Hey, talk to me, Matt. Are you okay?" 

A few long seconds went by before Matt started to come back to Earth. His knees trembled, his eyes blurry, head dizzy. "Hey, hey -" Kelly said, reaching out a hand -but didn't touch the boy- and told him, "Here. Take my arm, you look a little pale. Do you want some water?" Matt shakily and slowly reached out, taking Kelly's arm, and nodded, "Y-Yes.. please. There's a vending machine by the inquiries desk, with bottles of water." 

The two men made their way towards the machine; Matt began taking out his wallet, but Kelly shook his hand, stopping the wallet from breaching Matt's pocket. "I got it. Want a chocolate bar or anything? Bag of chips..?" The blonde gazed at the candies and chips in the glass, licking his lips.. The truth was, he hadn't eaten since last night. Matt barely had enough to pay his rent and cell phone bill; sometimes food had to be cut down, only using the food he had in his apartment for the times where if he didn't eat, he'd pass out. But, he shook his head, "No.. Thanks. Just water … please." 

But Kelly punched in the code number for a water bottle, and also a Snickers bar. Matt blinked up at the man gratefully when he was handed the items. Kelly smiled, "Come on then. Let's get going." 

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


Inside Kelly's apartment, Matt found himself awkwardly standing by the couch as Kelly ordered the pizza - plain cheese. Matt hated too many flavors and textures going on at once. Kelly didn't even mind. He just smiled, not even questioning his 'boring' choice of pizza. 

"Want to watch a movie? Shay recently made me pay for a Netflix subscription." Kelly said, chuckling softly to himself. "Y-Yeah, sure. Um, I don't watch a lot of movies, I- I don't really have many preferences. Just, nothing too scary or with too much blood and guts, please." He requested, to which Kelly nodded. "You got it. C'mere." He said, sitting on the couch, and patting the spot next to him. Matt smiled shyly, hesitantly moving forward to claim the seat beside Severide. 

Matt's palms were sweaty as Kelly browsed through the movies on Netflix. Matt shivered a couple of times. Kelly bit his lip, wondering if what he was about to do was the right move. To be safe, he left the decision up to Matt; "Come here, you're shivering - sorry, heat's been messed up in the building for a while. Should be fixed in a couple of days." The blonde looked to Kelly, whose arm was raised a little, welcoming the younger man into his side. He bit his lip, slowly shuffling towards Kelly, trying to relax. He didn't mind the contact this time. It was more-so a negative thing when he was distressed, or already experiencing a lot of sensations at once. 

Kelly felt his heart throwing itself against his ribcage. He swallowed nervously, letting his palm rest on Matt's shoulder. "Kelly?" He looked to the blonde when he heard him speak, "Yeah Matt?" The younger of the two men swallowed, biting the inside of his cheek. "Do you like me? You know,  _ like _ -like me." 

The question stunned Kelly. The extreme forwardness and blunt manner of Matt wasn't unpleasant. Kelly actually enjoyed it, in comparison to others who won't ever say what's on their mind - which sucks in a relationship. 

"Yeah, Matt.. I do. I do like-like you." He answered, smiling. "But.. If that's not okay, or you don't feel the same, it's fine, we can -" 

"I do feel the same." Matt said softly, playing with the strings on his hoodie. "But, I.. I've never had someone like me. I've never been with someone, romantically. I've only ever had Shay as a friend.. My parents, they -" He stopped himself, before he divulged too much. He rocked a bit, slowly humming before the memories came rushing back. "Hey, hey.." He heard Kelly say softly, hugging him with one arm just a little tighter. "It's okay.. You don't have to be afraid about this, about us. We can do things as slowly as you want. We don't even have to hold hands yet." Matt smiled at that, at Kelly's reassuring words. The blonde nodded, hesitantly leaning his head into the space between Kelly's cheek and shoulder. 

Kelly softly breathed in the scent of Matt, his fingertips gently caressing the boy's shoulder. "Kelly?" The younger of the two whispered. "Yeah?" He answered, resting his head against Matt's. "Please don't hurt me, like him." The blonde said quietly. Severide was about to reply, when he got a text signaling the delivery man was outside with their pizza. 

Matt flapped his hands, hopping from his seat on the couch, leaving Kelly to feel a chill at the absence of the blonde's body heat. He furrowed his brows, getting up so he could pay for the pizza, but he was concerned. What did Matt mean by what he said? Who's "him"? 

Kelly knew he wanted to be with Matt. He knew he cared for the kid so much already. But he also knew Matt was broken. There was a dark past behind his shimmering blue eyes, and golden smile. It didn't turn him away; it only made him more invested on being the best of himself that he could for Matt. He wasn't going to hurt him. And he wasn't going to leave. 

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


**_CHAPTER TWO: 'In 48 Hours'_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! :)
> 
> thank you all for the support on this story, it made me smile, reading all your guys's comments. 
> 
> i just want to clarify; Matt in this story is autistic, but he also suffers from PTSD! some of the behaviors he exhibits in this chapter are the result of his trauma that he suffered whilst living with his parents; i.e. when he's experiencing "flashbacks"! 
> 
> hope you all have a great weekend. ^_^ let me know your thoughts on this chap. down in the comments! until next time. xxx


	3. I've Got You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a quiet night of pizza and drinks, Kelly meets one of Matt's triggers head-on. Their first date may not have been everything Kelly had planned it to be, but he wouldn't have had it any other way.
> 
> Word count: 1,933 words.

After having paid for the pizza, Kelly carried it into the kitchen, setting it on the table. He watched fondly as Matt stood awkwardly off to the side, hands stuffed in his pockets, eyes trained to his feet. “Here, come set out the plates for us.” Kelly said, not wanting Matt to feel useless or continue to just stand there feeling awkward. The blonde looked up, and smiled, approaching the table as Kelly handed him the dishes to set out. Casey set down two, for the both of them, as well as took the liberty of going to the fridge; “What do you want to drink?” He asked Severide. 

“Beer, thanks.”

Matt took one bottle of beer, and the water pitcher, setting both on the table. Kelly handed him a glass for his water, Matt smiled in appreciation, and set the glass down by his plate. There was a  _ SLAP  _ as a slice of pizza flew onto his plate, startling the blonde. He yelped, covering his mouth, blushing fiercely. Kelly chuckled, "Sorry. Habit." 

Matt smiled, biting his lip. He pulled out the chair, sitting down, taking the piece into his hand. Kelly sat across from him, smiling at the kid, feeling shy in this moment. Matt bit his lip again, looking down, as he took a tiny bite of his pizza. 

The silence hung heavy in the air, when Kelly finally asked the question he'd been wanting to know, "What'd you mean before? When you said "him"? Who did you mean?" 

There was silence for a while, Matt just staring into his plate. Kelly was mentally kicking himself -  _ ‘Who just asks that, you idiot’  _ he said to himself. But finally, Matt responded, "Um.. My dad." He brought his hands together in front of himself, rubbing them fiercely a couple of times, trying to rid himself of the burn that was the build-up of energy from the stressful thought of his dad, and what he'd done to the blonde. 

Kelly didn't know what to say. Part of him wanted to dig for answers. And the rest of him knew not to do that. "Sorry, I.. kind of have a habit of just opening my mouth without thinking. What do you want to talk about? It can be anything, whatever you -" But he didn't get to finish, because Matt was already up from his seat, rushing towards the bathroom. 

Kelly heard the door slam, and the blonde retching over the toilet. He sighed and hissed to himself, "Kelly you absolute dickhead." The squad lieutenant rose from his chair, heading to the bathroom door. He knocked softly, "Matt..? Hey, you okay..? Look, I'm sorry, I- That wasn't the right or appropriate thing to say, just- Do you need anything?" He asked. 

Kelly was only met with the sound of puking, and the flush of the toilet. He sighed again, knocking once more, “Matt..? Do you, uh- Do you need a minute..?” 

Silence. 

_ ‘Great’ _ Kelly thought to himself angrily.  _ ‘What a wonderful first date this turned out to be, you idiot.’  _ He stepped away, deciding it was best to give Matt some space. He walked into his bedroom, closing the door, dialing Shay’s number. It rang a few times, and Kelly almost lost hope, before she finally picked up; “Kelly, one night. That’s all I want, just one -”

“Shay, it’s Matt. I- I think I said something that upset him, and now he’s in the bathroom, and won’t come out, and I think he was throwing up, and -”

“Okay, hold up. He threw up?? What the hell did you say, Kelly!?” 

“He said something earlier, and I asked what he meant, and then he said something about his dad.. Next thing I know, he’s running to the bathroom, and puking his guts up.” 

There was a pause, and then a long sigh. “Kelly -”

“Kelly?” The silver-haired man shot his head up at that. Matt was standing in the doorframe. “Hey.” He replied softly. “Shay, he came out - I’ll call you back.” Kelly rambled quickly into the phone before hanging up … totally forgetting that Shay was on a date, and was basically asking her to wait by her cell phone. “Matt.. I- Look, I’m so sorry, I should never have -” He started, but the blonde shook his head, “It’s not your fault, you didn’t know.. Can we- I just wanna go back and finish our dinner..” Matt said quietly. His eyes were glossy, as if he’d been crying. Kelly’s heart ached. “Yeah, of course.. Do you want me to take you home after?” He asked, understanding if the blonde didn’t want to stay any longer. 

But, to his surprise, Matt shook his head. “No, I..wanna stay with you. I want to stay.” 

Kelly couldn’t help the smile that sprung onto his face at that. He nodded, “Okay, yeah.. Okay, let’s go eat.” He approached Casey, about to walk past him to lead him back to the kitchen, but the blonde slipped his hand into Kelly’s; he held his hand in his own, remembering the dozens of times he’d seen couples hold hands in movies, and never understanding why. What was the purpose..? Why did it seem so significant? But, the more he spent time with Kelly, he was more and more motivated to act out this strange thing he’d seen so many times, but didn’t understand. 

He was deprived of ever witnessing love between partners his whole life. His parents were never affectionate; they never held hands, or kissed, or simply laid an affectionate hand on the other’s shoulder or back. They never said “I love you” to each other, much less to Matt. All he’d ever known was anger, and violence. Which was ironic, because Matt didn’t have a violent bone in his body - he could never hit someone, or lay a hand on someone in an unkind way. He just didn’t have it in him, he couldn’t do it, no matter how many people had been unkind to him, or physically hurt him. 

His heart raced when he felt Kelly freeze once their fingers interlocked. He wondered if this was the wrong thing to do, or the wrong time to do it. But before he could pull away, and ramble off an essay of apologies, Kelly squeezed his hand, a smile on his face. The lieutenant leaned forward, pressing a feather-light kiss to Matt’s temple, causing the blonde to blush, and flap his free hand by his side. He let out a sound that Kelly couldn’t quite put a name to, but it sounded happy. So it made Kelly happy. 

They both headed towards the kitchen, this time, Matt choosing to sit beside Kelly instead of across from him. Kelly would be lying if he said the simple gesture didn’t make his heart flutter. Matt smiled shyly, flicking his right hand by his side. 

They ate until they were full -after Kelly had sent a quick text to Shay letting her know Matt was fine, and that he wouldn’t be disturbing her date anymore- and Kelly wrapped up the extra slices to put in the fridge. “Movie?” He asked, gesturing to the couch, and the TV in front of it that was still on the Netflix browsing page because they hadn’t chosen a movie before the pizza guy showed up. Matt nodded, bouncing on his heels a bit. Kelly smiled, leading him towards the couch, surprised when Matt curled up so close to him. Contact from strangers made the blonde recoil, but once he had found someone to become attached to, he was affectionate beyond words - just ask Shay. She and Matt had found themselves in a cuddling/snuggling position many times, his head on her chest - platonically of course. Shay definitely didn’t swing that way. 

And Matt just didn’t attach to anyone. Kelly’s kindness from the very beginning had been enough to show Matt that he was a good person, with no intention of being mean, or making fun of his difference. 

Kelly wrapped his arms around the blonde, holding him securely. Kelly’s chest felt so comfortable, against the side of Matt’s face. The position was so comfortable, cozy, and warm. He found himself stifling a yawn, because the comfort of Kelly’s chest, and warm arms around him, seemed heavenly to fall asleep in. And sleep wasn’t something that came easy in Matt’s world - night terrors, nightmares, insomnia. On a good day, he could sleep for maybe three hours in the night without being woken by his traumatic flashbacks and memories. 

Kelly softly ran his fingers through Matt’s blonde hair, gently rubbing his scalp with his fingertips. He smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, “I got you.” He said quietly, without even thinking before he said it. The words just came out. And they made Matt’s chest fill with warmth, because he believed Kelly’s words. 

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


Shay returned home from her date, smiling at the sight that greeted her at 2 in the morning. Kelly and Matt were curled on the couch, wrapped in one another's arms. She tapped Kelly's shoulder, jarring him awake. He rubbed his eyes, groaning quietly as not to wake the blonde boy in his arms. Shay smiled at Matt's sleeping face fondly, "So it went well..?" She whispered. Kelly nodded, "Better than well.. I better get to bed though, I'm on shift tomorrow - so are you." 

"I know.. The night just got away from me, I guess." Shay mumbled, smiling to herself as she thought of the amazing woman she had been on a date with. Kelly smirked, "You owe me like, a million details tomorrow." He said, causing her to giggle. 

"I'll take the couch, give Matt my bed." Kelly said, rubbing the boy's shoulder. "Matt..? Hey.. hey, you gotta wake up.." He whispered to the boy softly. Casey groaned softly, his face scrunching adorably. Kelly smiled, "There he is.. You can take my bed, alright? You can stay here while Shay and I are on shift tomorrow. We'll be back by the evening, and I'll drive you back home, okay?" 

Matt slowly processed the words in his sleepy state, nodding. Suddenly he grabbed Kelly's arm with a start, "Stay with me..?" He asked quietly. Kelly didn't really know how to reply - they had still only just met, even if it felt like he'd known Matt forever. Was it a good idea to share a bed so soon..? 

But, throwing caution out the window, Kelly smiled gently and nodded, "Of course." 

They all made their way to their rooms, Shay grabbing Kelly's arm before he entered his with Matt. "No funny business." She ordered, giving him a stern look. Severide blushed, "Alright." He muttered, holding up his hands. Shay's lips curled into a small smile, she knew full well Kelly would never hurt the boy. It wasn't who he was. But it was still funny to poke at his history of one-night stands, and "funny business" as she put it. 

Both Kelly and Matt got ready for bed -Matt changing into some pajamas that Kelly had lent to him- and crawled under the sheets together. Kelly protectively wrapped his arms around the boy, kissing his forehead softly. "I've got you." He whispered. "Good night, my sweet Matty.." 

"Night Kelly.." Matt replied, snuggling into Kelly's warm embrace. The two men just listened to the other breathing, smiling occasionally as they felt the other's hold on them tighten, until they both fell asleep in one another's arms - and they both, in that moment, felt the safest that they had in such a long time. 

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


**_CHAPTER THREE: I've Got You_ **


	4. Safe When I'm With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week after their first date, Matt shows up at Firehouse 51, surprising Kelly in the best way possible. The two decide to spend an evening together, and it all goes well, until the subject of Matt's father gets brought up again. When Kelly learns some information that he'll never be able to unhear, he's only more determined to continue to be the best thing possible for Matt.
> 
> Word count: 3,751 words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: this chapter contains use of the r-slur, and mention/reference to past events of child abuse.
> 
> read with caution, your mental health always comes first xx <3

**1 week later**

  
  
  


Kelly stepped out of the shower at the firehouse, towel wrapped around his waist. He'd washed off the dirt and grime from the last call, and now it was time for his shift to end. He'd done a twenty-four hour, which meant he now had forty-eight hours off of shift. He was changing into some comfier clothes when Mouch entered the locker room, "Hey Lieutenant. Uh, I think someone's here to pick you up." He said. Kelly frowned, "To pick me up..? I took my own car here." 

"I don't know, he says his name is Matthew Casey." Mouch said, opening up his own locker. At that, Kelly smiled to himself. Mouch caught this. "Is this a 'friend'?" He asked knowingly. 

Severide had had partners in the past, but nothing serious for a while - and it was no secret that the squad lieutenant liked men as well as women.

"See you next shift." Kelly replied, dodging the question, causing Mouch to smirk. "See you, Lieutenant." He answered.

Kelly entered the common room, his bag slung over his shoulder, wearing a pair of jeans and a sweater. He smiled when he saw Matt conversing with Herrmann. When their eyes met, Matt smiled softly, a faint blush on his cheeks. He had one of his stim toys in his left hand, fiddling with it. "Hey Kelly.." He spoke, his voice soft; the voice that made Kelly feel as though he were a teenager with a crush. Herrmann watched as the blonde stood up after greeting the lieutenant, approaching the twenty-nine-year-old, wrapping his arms around Kelly's waist, and smiled as he saw his lieutenant -the man he had practically raised since day one- looking so happy. He stood, walking away to give the two some privacy, he didn't want to stare or be nosy.

"Hey Matty." Kelly whispered softly, placing his hand at the back of the blonde's head, cupping it gently, and massaging his fingers against the kid's scalp. "What're you doing here?" He asked, tipping the blonde's chin up so the two were looking at one another. Matt shrugged shyly, "I just thought I'd come see you after you finished, and I'm finished too, so..I was hoping, maybe.. I just.. I -" He started, but then stopped himself, anxiously biting his lip. "Hey.." Kelly smiled, cupping the boy's face. "Remember what we've been practicing..? Deep breaths.. and just don't think about it too much, right..? You know you can say anything to me, Matt." He said, stroking the twenty-two-year-old's cheek softly with his thumb.

"Right.." Casey whispered, swallowing before he continued, "I was just thinking...maybe we could spend some time together tonight?" He asked, looking down at his feet. Kelly smiled at the kid's bashfulness, caressing his cheek softly, "Of course. I'd love to spend time with you tonight. How about I cook us dinner? You could stay the night, and then I'll drive you to work tomorrow."

Matt smiled a little at that. He was anxious about being too much of a burden to Kelly, being too kid-like, needing the older man to do everything for him. But Kelly had never expressed these things aloud, in fact, he always said the opposite, how he loved driving Matt to his apartment after he'd spent time at Kelly's, and how he saw it as extra time to spend with the blonde.

"Okay.. Yeah, I'd like that." Casey answered, looking up at Severide. Kelly intertwined their fingers, smiling back at the blonde man. "Let's go then. I'm pretty sure Shay is going out to see that girl she's been spending time with recently, so we'll have the place to ourselves until whenever she gets back tonight."

"Okay. Sounds good." Matt replied, following Kelly as the two walked out of the firehouse, hand-in-hand. They ran into Shay as they were exiting. "Speak of the devil." Kelly murmured, chuckling softly.

The blonde woman smiled at her two friends, "Where are you two lovebirds off to?" She asked, kissing Matt's cheek in greeting. "I'm having dinner with Kelly.." The blonde man said softly, blushing again. He blushed _a lot,_ and Kelly would never get over how freaking adorable it was.

"Sounds fun. I'll be home late, don't wait up." Shay said with a wink, then walked away, leaving Kelly with a smirk -because he knew exactly what that wink meant- and Matt with his brows furrowed in confusion. "I don't get it." He said, almost in a whisper, leaning closer to Kelly's side. The squad lieutenant chuckled, "They're probably going to have a _lot_ of fun tonight, Matty." He answered, to which Matt blushed hard once he picked up on what 'fun' meant. "Oh.." He mumbled, biting the inside of his cheek, flicking his hand by his side a few times.

"Come on, let's get home." Kelly said, wrapping his arm protectively around the kid's shoulders, leading him to Kelly's car.

Once they reached Kelly's and Shay's apartment, Severide dumped his bag by the entrance -a habit that Shay absolutely couldn't stand, and the two often argued about his messiness- and swept Matt off of his feet, carrying him to the couch.

The blonde squealed in surprise, giggling as Kelly sat down, holding Matt in his lap. "So tell me about your day." The older man said sweetly, capturing Matt's lips in a tender kiss. 

Once they had had their first kiss, the two became addicted to one another's lips, and could never stop for the life of them. Although, it never escalated further than sweet pecks. Kelly knew Matt wasn't ready for anything sensual or more intimate yet, and that was alright. He'd never want to push his boy into anything he didn't want to do.

"Erm, well.. nothing really interesting happened. Oh, actually, I substituted for the reader today! I got to read to the little kids in the afternoon. They seemed to like me." Matt said, smiling happily. Kelly smiled in return, "That's great Matty. How couldn't they like you? What's not to like?" He answered, kissing the blonde again, running a hand across Matt's cheek gently. The younger of the two blushed softly, biting his lip, "A lot.." He answered, catching Kelly by surprise. He frowned, "A lot? Like what..?"

At that, the mood shifted, and Matt tucked himself even closer into Kelly's arms, where he felt safe. Kelly stroked Matt's cheek with his thumb, waiting for his boy's response.

"I'm annoying, sometimes.." Casey whispered, so softly that Kelly barely caught it, but he did, and it made him frown even harder. But before he could interject, Matt was already continuing what he started; "I'm ugly.. I can be somewhat of a burden, I'm not that bright..." He continued, causing a pain in Severide's heart. The squad lieutenant kissed Matt's forehead, "Matty.." He whispered softly. "Who's told you these things? They're not at all true."

Matt bit his lip hard, shutting his eyes, the familiar voices of the past ringing in his ears. 

"Matt? Baby, hey, look at me -"

Casey heard Severide's voice, but it came from far away. His head felt blurry, his throat and mouth dry, his palms sweaty, his limbs shaky.. He began a low moan at the back of his throat, his right fist connecting with the side of his head over and over until he was full-on pounding on his skull, trying to block out the sound of his father's voice.

* * *

_"No one will ever love you! You're a retarded, ugly, stupid piece of crap." Greg Casey growled, kicking his son in the stomach, while Matt was already on the floor as the taller man loomed over him. Thirteen-year-old Matt let out a cry of pain, begging for mercy, but it did nothing._

_Greg pulled Matt up by his hair, before he slapped him across the face - hard. The small blonde boy tried to hold in a sob, tears burning his eyes from the heat of his father's slap._

_"Say it!!" Greg yelled, pushing Matt hard against the wall, knocking the wind from the young teenager. "Say it; what are you!?" Greg Casey demanded, his hand finding its way to his son's throat, his grip hard, causing Matt to wheeze as he fought for air._

**_"SAY IT!! WHAT ARE YOU!?"_ **

* * *

"I'M A RETARDED, UGLY, STUPID PIECE OF CRAP!!" Matt replied to the man in his mind, causing Severide to panic. What the hell was happening? Kelly shook Matt's shoulders, "Matty! Matt, open your eyes, look at me; it's just us here, babe. Please Matt, look at me; I don't know what to do!" He said desperately, on the verge of tears himself; he was scared, he'd never seen someone have a flashback-induced meltdown before. He'd never even had any personal experience with someone who had PTSD - which he didn't even know Matt had yet. The blonde man nor Shay had ever brought it up. Sure, Kelly was able to guess he had it just by some of the things Matt had done during the last week or so, due to his knowledge because of his line of work. But until Matt confirmed it himself, Kelly couldn't be sure.

Matt was still pounding at his head, his left hand now tugging at his blonde hair; he was sobbing, rocking himself, screaming things that Kelly didn't understand with his eyes still shut tight.

Kelly brought his lips close to Matt's ear, crooning softly, doing the only thing he could think of that could help the highly distressed boy in his lap; "I'm here Matty.. Wherever you are right now, I need you to listen to me; you are everything I've ever wanted, but never thought I could have.. You are _not_ ugly, or stupid. You are so bright, Matty.. Brighter than me, that's for sure. You are handsome, adorable, funny, kind…"

He swallowed, biting his lip, before he continued; "Come back to me, Matty.. Come back, babe.. It's gonna be alright, I'm right here for you, Matt." 

Casey was listening; each word from Severide bringing him closer and closer to Earth. Eventually, Matt was able to stop hitting himself, stop pulling his hair, and opened his eyes. He looked up at Kelly, his eyes foggy and a little confused. He was trembling, taking in quick and shaky breaths. Kelly held him tight, pulling Matt's head to his chest, rocking him slowly and soothingly. "Shh, shh, shh.." He shushed, running his fingers through Casey's blonde hair as the younger of the two men cried softly against Severide's chest.

They remained in that position for a while -Severide didn't know exactly how long, but it didn't matter, as long as Matt felt safe- before Matt's crying subsided, his limbs stopped trembling, and he looked up at Kelly. The squad lieutenant smiled warmly at the boy, "Hey.. I'm right here, Matty. Just breathe, baby boy."

"I'm sorry." Matt murmured, his voice hoarse. Kelly shook his head, "There's nothing to be sorry for, okay? Let me go get you some water. Can you stand?" He asked. Casey nodded slowly, standing, his hand firmly inside of Kelly's. The older of the two men grabbed the water-pitcher from the fridge, pouring Matt a glass of water. The blonde took the glass, drinking the water as if he'd been deprived of liquids for a decade. 

Kelly brought him close when Matt had finished drinking, holding him tight. "How do you feel?" He asked, stroking the kid's blonde hair. Matt shrugged, "Tired.. Do you- Erm, would you...mind if I sleep a little? At least until dinner's ready..? Oh, I- Unless you needed help, sorry, I didn't even consider -" He rambled, until Kelly stopped him; "Matt, it's okay. Go get some rest, alright? You know where my room is, I'll wake you up when dinner's prepared."

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


Matt was deep in sleep, before Kelly was rubbing his shoulder gently; "Matt..? Hey Matty, wake up, babe. Dinner's ready." He said softly, smiling once Matt opened his eyes, and their gaze met. The blonde smiled tiredly, sitting up with a sleepy groan. He rubbed his eyes, "Okay.. Thanks for letting me sleep." He said, leaning forward to kiss Kelly softly. "Erm.. After dinner, could we talk? I wanna explain a bit of what happened earlier. If that's okay.." He murmured. Kelly nodded, "Of course it's okay.. You can talk to me about anything, as long as you're comfortable. Let's go eat, alright?"

Matt followed Kelly to the kitchen, smelling the wonderful aroma of … pizza? Matt couldn't help but grin when he saw what Kelly made; plain cheese pizza. He flapped both hands excitedly, "You made pizza! Just like our first date!" He exclaimed, joyfully pressing his lips against Kelly's, throwing his arms around the man's neck. Kelly laughed, picking up his boy off the hardwood floor, hugging him tight. "Of course.. I thought you might like it." He said, kissing Matt's cheek softly.

Truthfully, Shay had told him that Matt got overwhelmed with foods he had never tried before, and lot's of flavors and textures at once could overwhelm him too. So since Kelly didn't really know what Matt liked -except for cheese pizza and spaghetti; the two meals that they had had together in the past week, one of which Shay had cooked a couple of nights ago- he had opted to make homemade pizza dough, and just add some tomato sauce and mozzarella.

The two sat down to eat, Kelly handing Matt a slice, to which Matt blushed slightly and smiled gratefully at the older man. They ate and had some small chatter, Matt drinking water, and Kelly drinking beer. When they finished, they did the dishes together, and went to sit on the couch like they had been doing before Matt had had his flashback.

"So.." Matt began, flicking his hands a bit before biting his lip, rocking himself slightly to bring himself a bit of comfort before he shared what he was about to say to Kelly. The older man shifted closer, taking one of Matt's hands as if to let him know he could take his time, and that everything was okay. "I.. What happened earlier, it happened because I have post traumatic stress disorder - or PTSD, which I'm sure you've heard of.. My dad, Greg, was abusive throughout the majority of my life. It got worse when I was professionally diagnosed with Autism. My dad, he.. he hated weakness. Anything that wasn't "normal" was unacceptable to him. And for his son to be.. a retard -" He paused briefly, wincing at the slur, "It was just something he wouldn't accept. He started beating me.. At first, it was just a few slaps, or pushing me against the wall hard enough to wind me. Then, it.. it progressed, to the point where he'd bruise me, and blacken my eyes sometimes. My mom, Nancy, she.. she'd never step in, or help me, or tell him to stop. She wasn't physical with me, but definitely what you'd call verbally abusive. She was always the first to point out how dumb I am, whenever I did things wrong, whenever I didn't understand or comprehend a question, or phrase, or joke.. I mean, she.. she slapped me a few times. Once, she poured boiling water on my hands, causing my skin to blister and I got an infection.." Matt trailed off after that, swiping at his eyes, drawing in a shuddering breath.

He's never said this aloud to anyone except Shay before, and not even she'd heard the whole story - no one has. Matt could never afford a therapist, or any type of professional help for his PTSD, or any kind of way to develop healthy coping mechanisms to help himself deal with his flashbacks or crippling anxiety.

Kelly couldn't help but allow his shocked expression to show. He just couldn't believe anyone could treat their own child this way. How could a mother or father inflict this much pain and emotional and psychological damage onto their own son? He swallowed, rubbing circles at the back of Matt's hand, bringing the boy's knuckles to his lips, kissing them softly.

Matt sniffled, leaning against Kelly's side, clearing his throat; "I.. I'm not used to this. I mean, Shay's always listened to me any time I need to let something out, but- Having someone who's more than a friend, it's.. it's different. I've never even had feelings like this for someone before. It's scary.." He admitted, hating how childish and silly he probably sounded. But Kelly only soothed him by shushing the blonde, pressing supportive kisses against Casey's head. "Matt, I'll always listen to you. Anytime you need me to. I have such intense feelings for you.. It even scares me, and I've had partners in the past. What I feel for you, it's- It's not like anything I've ever felt for anyone before. And I want to make what I feel, and what you feel, official. Matty, I want you to be my boyfriend."

The blonde was shocked at Kelly's final sentence. The word 'boyfriend' was something he never thought he'd hear when listening to someone describing himself. It brought more tears to his eyes, but this time, the tears were tears of joy. The thought of entering an official relationship was scary, and new, but somehow, those things didn't matter once he was looking into Severide's eyes.

"I'd love to be your boyfriend, Kelly.." He murmured softly, smiling. The squad lieutenant smiled in return, leaning forward to capture Matt's lips against his own. The blonde surprised him this time by trying to deepen the kiss. He didn't really know how to further develop a kiss by using his tongue, so when Kelly brushed his own against Matt's bottom lip, it took the blonde by surprise. The boy jerked back, blushing fiercely. "Was that your tongue..?" He asked innocently. Kelly smiled, nodding, "Yeah. It's called a French-kiss. It's, uh, when you use your tongue as well as your lips to kiss someone. Just, follow what I do - if you want to, okay?"

Matt bit his lip, nodding. He felt a little intimidated, but he wanted to do this. Both men leaned forward, their lips meeting again. Matt allowed Kelly's tongue inside of his mouth, trying his best to copy the older man's movements with his own tongue.

It took a bit, but he got the hang of it finally. Things progressed, and soon, Matt found himself moving to straddle Kelly's lap, pressing closer against his boyfriend. Kelly groaned softly into the kiss, his hands finding themselves roaming over Matt's back, under his shirt, and fingers digging softly into the boy's skin.

Now, Matt was no saint. Sure, he's never had a boyfriend. But he knew what he liked, and what got his rocks off. He's watched some porn, and knew how to turn a man on by doing certain things.

He whimpered once he felt Kelly pressing his growing erection against his own. His hands found their way under Kelly’s sweater, running up against his boyfriend’s toned torso. Matt moved his lips away from Kelly’s, pausing anxiously for a moment, before he sucked a patch of skin on Severide’s neck into his mouth - something he’d seen happen in movies, and porn, of course.

Severide moaned softly, grinding himself up against Matt, desperately seeking friction while the blonde was biting and sucking on his skin. “Fuck..” He groaned, instinctively grabbing at Matt’s ass through the boy’s jeans, imagining what it would feel like to have that perfect ass sliding down on his-

He was dragged out of his short fantasy, because common sense finally kicked in. He pushed Matt away gently, “Matt, stop.” The younger of the two men got off of Kelly’s lap, breathless, looking at his boyfriend with guilty eyes. Had he made the wrong decision?

Kelly was quick to jump in, before Matt began apologizing; “As much as I liked that -and I mean, _really_ liked that- we can’t just jump into something that intense this soon, alright?” He cleared his throat, not even recognizing himself in this moment, because Kelly Severide was a “do it now, think about it later” type of guy, and never hesitated before he jumped into bed with someone he liked this much.

But Matt was different. Matt had never had a partner before. Matt could easily grow to regret it, if they jumped into having sex this early on in the blonde’s first ever relationship. And Kelly cared about Matt, the blonde wasn’t just some one-night-stand he’d met at a bar. He was serious about making things work between himself and his boyfriend, and he didn’t want to fuck it up.

Not to mention Shay would probably cut his balls off, and shove them down his throat, if he messed things up with himself and her best friend - who she was “protective mama-bear” over.

“But I thought…” Matt began, his face twisting in confusion. “I-I thought couples did this..? I thought you would’ve liked -” Kelly shook his head, cutting the blonde off mid-sentence, “Matty I _did_ like it, babe.. But you just proved my point. You didn’t do it because you genuinely are ready for it - you just thought it was what I wanted, and it would have pleased me, or made me like you more. I want to do stuff like this when we’re both ready, okay?”

“Okay..” Matt answered quietly, nodding his head, understanding Kelly’s point. The older of the two men just smiled, pulling his boy close to his side, kissing the top of his head. “Movie..?” Severide asked, rubbing Casey’s shoulder gently. The blonde smiled at that, nodding his head, looking up at Kelly; “Yeah.. Could we watch the continuation of the one we watched last time..? Erm, what’s it called…”

“Fast and the Furious.” Kelly replied, smiling wider - it was probably his favorite movie series, and he was beyond ecstatic that he’d gotten Matt into them.

So, that was that. They spent the rest of their evening watching Fast and the Furious movies until they’d fallen asleep on the couch, wrapped in each other’s arms, until Shay had come home around one in the morning. She’d smiled at her two friends, tip-toeing into her bedroom so as not to wake them, thanking every God she could think of that Matt finally had someone else to care for him as much as she did - because the blonde man who’d already been through so much pain in his only twenty-two years of life deserved it so, so much.

  
  
  
  


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**_CHAPTER FOUR: Safe When I’m With You_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright guys, i don't know what the hell happened - i just kept writing and couldn't stop, and ended up with an almost 4,000 word chapter. XD doubt you guys will be complaining though.
> 
> anyways, AAHHH, boyfriends!!! no word of a lie, i was screaming (internally) as i was writing the almost-smut scene between Matt and Kelly. we ourselves love a responsible boyfriend, lmao 🤣🤣🤣 but YEAH, let me know what you guys think??🥺<3 i absolutely love reading your guys's comments, they make my day! xx
> 
> ok that's all for now, KISSES!!!!!!!!! 😘😘😘 until next time, mwah! xx ^_^


	5. You're Not A Burden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelly experiences the aftermath of one of Matt's nightmares. Matt begins to wonder when Kelly will eventually get tired of him, and when he'll be left alone again.
> 
> Despite Kelly's constant reassurance and reminders that he doesn't plan on going anywhere, it isn't enough to stop the tide of anxiety from within Matt, due to his traumatic past. Matt starts to wonder why Kelly is so persistent on waiting for them to go all the way, and if it means that Kelly sees him as different than past partners - but not different in a good way, the way Kelly always tries to make Matt believe.
> 
> Word count:  
> 3,372 words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like that summary sucked. XD i'm sorry, i'm literally so exhausted, i've been sleeping so sh-t these past few nights, i don't know why.

**CONTENT WARNING:**

**Use of the F slur.**

Kelly was suddenly jarred awake when he felt Matt thrashing beside him. There was a shrill cry that sliced through the quiet of the apartment, waking Kelly up fully once he realized Matt was having a nightmare. “Matty?” He asked, grabbing his boyfriend’s shoulders to stop him from thrashing about, worried he’d hurt himself in his current state of distress. “Matt? Matt! Baby, wake up, it’s me, it’s Kelly.”

Shay had hurried into Kelly’s room at the moment when Matt had woken up, glancing around the room wildly, forgetting momentarily where he was. He panted heavily, soaked in sweat, tears tracking down his cheeks, his skin ghostly pale. “Kelly.” He sobbed once he remembered where he was, feeling his boyfriend’s arms wrapping around him.

“Yeah baby, I’m here..” Severide said softly, looking up once he noticed Shay was sitting at the edge of the bed, on Matt’s side. She softly brushed a few sweaty strands of hair away from the kid’s forehead, affectionately placing her hand on his arm. “Hey buddy... Water?” She asked, rubbing his forearm gently.

He shook his head, pushing her hand away, shrugging himself out of Kelly’s arms. “Blanket.” He mumbled, wiping his eyes. Kelly thought he’d meant the duvet, so he pulled it up, to better cover Matt. The blonde grunted loudly in frustration, pushing the duvet and Kelly’s arms away hard.

Kelly looked to Shay in confusion. The woman bit her lip, “Buddy, your blanket is at your apartment... We don’t have it here.”

“What blanket..?” Kelly asked, his brows knitting together as he became even more confused. “He has a weighted blanket. He likes pressure, it helps him when he’s upset like this.” Leslie explained.

Matt groaned angrily, hitting the back of his head against the headboard repeatedly. “Matty no, don’t do that -” Kelly said, about to reach behind Matt’s head to stop him, but the blonde slapped Kelly’s arm away. “Stop touching me!” He yelled, starting to rock himself.

**CW: F slur.**

He wasn’t mad at Kelly, or Shay. He wasn’t mad at anyone. He was just distressed, feeling a lot of feelings and emotions at once due to the intensity of his nightmare - which was a memory of his father, from when Matt was sixteen, and his book in which he often scribbled random things inside of was found with a boy’s name written with hearts surrounding it. Greg had thrown the book at Matt, grabbed him by the throat and slammed him against the wall, repeatedly hitting him. He’d screamed at Matt, told him he was a disgrace for being a “disgusting faggot.”

**CW over.**

Shay glanced at Kelly, slightly shaking her head, to tell him to lay off on the contact. He bit his lip, he didn’t know what to do.

“Kel, sleep with me for the remainder of the night.” The blonde woman said. “Matt, I’ll get you some pillows okay?” She said, thinking of ways to substitute the weighted blanket, and how to give Matt the pressure he needed right now.

Casey didn’t acknowledge her words, he only kept rocking himself. Shay stood up, passing Kelly and whispered, “Go to my room; I’ll be there after I get him to go to sleep,” before heading towards the closet in their apartment where she and Kelly kept their extra pillows, duvets, and bedsheets.

Kelly stood up, glancing at his clock: 5:20 AM. He sighed, knowing Matt would be exhausted at work tomorrow. “I’ll just be in Shay’s room, okay..?” He said softly to the blonde. He received no response, only a faint moan from a distressed Matt. His shoulders sagged a little; he felt useless. “Try and get some sleep. I’ll wake you up in the morning for work. Good night, Matty..” He said softly, pausing for a moment, thinking he might get a reply. When he didn’t, he turned and left the bedroom, heading over to Shay’s.

He waited in Shay’s bed beneath the duvet, lifting his head once she entered the room, shutting the door. She tiredly climbed into her bed beside Kelly, wrapping her arms around him. He sighed as he leaned into her. She kissed his cheek, “Hey... He’ll be okay. This is just something that happens. He gets frustrated, but he wasn’t mad at you, alright?”

"But I feel so fucking useless, Shay. I had no idea what to do. Everything I did was the wrong thing to do. I just kept upsetting him more and -"

Shay cut him off, "No. You did not upset him, okay? He was just in a very frustrated state of mind, he didn't mean to push you or me away. Okay? I promise." Shay said gently, rubbing Kelly's shoulder to soothe him as he was blaming himself unnecessarily at that moment.

Severide nodded, wrapping his arms around Shay, cuddling closer against her side, seeking her warmth. "Thanks, Shay…" He said, looking at her with a smile. She smiled in return, "Any time, dork." She answered, poking his forehead playfully. He chuckled, letting his eyes close, emitting a yawn; he was tired as hell.

"Get some sleep. I'll set my alarm so you can get up in time to wake him so he won't be late for his shift." Shay said, rolling over to adjust her alarm clock. Kelly snuggled down against the soft pillow beneath his head, pulling the duvet up to his chin. "Good night, Shay…" He mumbled, already halfway into sleep.

"Night, Kel." She answered, but Kelly had barely heard it because he was already asleep.

* * *

Later in the morning, Kelly groaned loudly when he heard Shay's alarm clock beeping to signal to him that it was time to wake up. Shay giggled with her eyes remaining closed beside him, "Morning sleepy head." She said, eyes still closed. "Shut up." He grumbled, slamming his hand down on the stupid clock.

He heaved himself to his feet, shivering once he was outside of the warm cocoon he had formed under Shay's duvet. He headed into the kitchen, setting the kettle on for coffee. He opened the fridge, biting his lip; he didn't know what to make Matt for breakfast. Did the blonde like eggs? What style of eggs did he even like, if he did like eggs? What if he preferred cereal? Or pancakes? What if he hated pancakes, or didn't like the cereal brands that Kelly and Shay had in their cabinet?

"For fuck's sake." He mumbled to himself. He headed to his bedroom, where Matt was and found himself smiling at his boyfriend who was curled up beneath the duvet, sausaged in between a bunch of pillows - for pressure, Kelly assumed. He approached the boy's side, gently sitting at the edge of the bed beside him. He refrained from touching him this time, though. "Matty..?" He said softly. "Matt? Hey baby, wake up; what do you want me to make you for breakfast?"

The blonde-haired man scrunched his face sleepily, rubbing his blurry eyes. He gazed up at Kelly, blinking a few times. He cleared his throat, "Erm... Eggs?" He asked, his voice small.

**_'So he does like eggs.'_** Kelly thought to himself.

"Sure. How do you like them?" He asked, still refraining from making contact with his boyfriend, unsure if Matt wanted him to yet. Casey sat up, "Fried. Please." He said, remembering to add 'please' at the end. Kelly smiled fondly, finding it adorable how Matt always remembered to say please, even if not immediately. "Sure. Um, can I- Is it okay if I -"

Matt cut him off by wrapping his arms around the older man, nuzzling his face into Kelly's neck. "I'm sorry about last night… I didn't mean to act like that, I just- My nightmares can get really intense, and I got overwhelmed, I'm sorry…" He said quietly. Kelly held the younger of the two close to his chest, "It's okay… I understand, I was just worried about you, and I wanted to help - but I didn't know how. I'm sorry, Matty." He said, his voice soft and caring. The blonde tightened his arms around Kelly, shaking his head; "You don't gotta be sorry. I'm just glad you don't hate me. Or think I'm some sort of freak." He mumbled, sniffling as he clung to his boyfriend, seeking comfort in Severide's strong embrace.

"Matty, you're not a freak, baby. You had a nightmare. It's okay… I don't hate you - I couldn't ever hate you, baby boy." Severide whispered, running his fingers through the younger man's blonde, messy bedhead.

Matt nodded, still wrapped in Kelly's arms. The older of the two rubbed Matt's back, "Come on; I'll go make your eggs, and you can get dressed in the meantime. I got some clothes you can wear in my closet, alright? You should consider leaving some of your things here, yeah?"

Matt looked up at his boyfriend, "That wouldn't be too much of a bother? I don't want to be an inconvenience -"

"Baby, you know I don't think that. I'd love to have you around here as often as you'd like." Kelly said softly, squeezing Matt's hand. Matt gave him a small smile, nodding his head in reply. "Okay. Now go get dressed. I'll go make those eggs." Severide told his boy, patting Matt's knee affectionately.

When Kelly left, Matt got to his feet and went to Kelly's closet, picking out a simple green sweater and a pair of jeans - which were kind of long, since Kelly was taller than Matt by a little bit, but oh well. He got dressed, then headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash up. He yawned as he turned the tap on, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He was exhausted.

Once he'd finished, he went to the kitchen, shyly smiling at Kelly who had just finished the eggs. The older man smiled in return, "Hey. Eggs are ready, have a seat. I'll drive you to work, okay? I can practically hear Shay snoring from here." He said, chuckling. Matt furrowed his brows, "I can't hear anything." Kelly opened his mouth and then closed it, biting his lip. He cleared his throat, "No I was just kidding, babe. It was a joke."

"Oh…" Matt frowned looking down at his feet. "I- I'm sorry." He mumbled, shuffling a bit. Kelly smiled warmly, approaching the younger man, "Hey. There's no need to be sorry, alright? Come here." He said, opening his arms, allowing Matt to go to him. The blonde slowly moved forward, biting his lip, and buried his face in the crook of Kelly's neck.

Severide softly brushed his fingers through Casey's hair, rubbing the back of the kid's neck gently. "Don't ever be sorry for not understanding something. Don't ever be sorry for anything you do, okay? I'm never going to laugh at you, or look at you any less because of who you are."

"But I'm such a burden…"

"I wish you wouldn't say things like that." Kelly sighed, kissing Matt's head softly. "You're not a burden at all, baby boy. I promise you." He whispered. Matt sighed, "I'll always believe I am. I always have. Shay tells me all the time, but I just can't believe it. His words are burned into my brain, almost…" He said quietly, shutting his eyes, nearly slipping into another flashback before Kelly spoke, keeping him on Earth; "Then I'll tell you every day until you believe it." His voice was firm and determined. Matt only nodded, although he knew Kelly would give up one day and eventually cut Matt loose. Just like everyone else, except Shay for some reason.

Regardless, he knew one day he'd be totally alone. He knew.

* * *

Matt had almost finished his shift. He was helping his co-workers shut down the library when he'd received a text from Kelly:

_I'm outside :)_

_See you soon._

Matt found himself smiling a little at the texts. He was a stranger to this feeling, but it was apparent that he was falling hard for the older man. It scared him.

"Bye Matt. See you tomorrow." Grace, one of his co-workers, said to him with a smile as she headed into the lounge to grab her bag. "Bye." He replied, lifting his hand to wave.

He bit his lip, typing a reply to his boyfriend:

_Okay :)_

_Be out in a second. Can't wait to see you._

He cringed at himself as he read the second text he'd sent. It sounded too needy…

He sighed, grabbing his bag, said goodbye to everyone, and headed out the front doors. He spotted Kelly's car and hurried over to the passenger's side. "Hi." He greeted once he'd shut the door, buckling himself in. "Hey Matty." Kelly answered, pressing a kiss to Matt's cheek. The blonde blushed, flapping his hands by his sides instinctively. Kelly smiled, kissing his cheek again, "You're adorable, you know?" He murmured. Matt blushed fiercely, biting his lip. He turned to look at Kelly, slowly closing the gap between them, and kissing the man's lips with a feather-light touch.

Kelly returned the kiss, gasping in surprise as Matt slipped his tongue into the older man's mouth - the way he'd learned how to the previous night. Kelly joined in, with his tongue, his hand resting on the back of Matt's neck to keep him close.

Their breaths became hot, frantic, and the sounds of Kelly groaning faintly filled the quiet that currently resided in his car. Matt undid his seatbelt, before Kelly's hand came down upon the blonde's. He'd pulled away, looking Matt in the eyes. The blonde almost whined in frustration due to the absolute cockblock that Kelly was being. "This is so confusing!" He groaned loudly, slamming his head against the headrest of the car seat. "I don't understand!" He continued. "I see it in movies, and I see it on the streets almost every day! People nearly tear each other's clothes off in public when they're kissing each other. You kiss me, you let me do that tongue, or French thing, or whatever the hell it's called, but nothing further!! I don't understand, why don't I understand!?"

Kelly sighed, "Matty. Baby, listen to me. I told you why, yeah? In a relationship, when people love each other, sex isn't something that's expected. Or even necessary. It happens because both partners let it happen naturally." He said, reaching for Matt's hand, but the blonde slapped it away, not wanting contact right now. He whined, threading his fingers in his hair, pulling hard. "But why does it matter? Why do you care so much? Before we even met, Shay talked about you. You fucked people and didn't even think twice all the time - she _told_ me. She'd hear you banging whatever person you came home with - was that _natural_ Kelly? Was it _natural_ to fuck someone and then never talk to them again? Are you gonna do it to me too? Why am I different from the rest? I don't understand, Kelly!"

Severide just stared at Casey, watching as the blonde's chest heaved. His words felt like a slap to the face. It hurt, knowing that's the kind of guy Shay used to describe him as to Matt. But she wasn't even wrong. Kelly was (keyword, "was") a prick who just used people. But Matt was different. And he _needed_ the blonde man to understand that.

"Matt, I… Look, you're right. Shay's right. That was who I was back then. But that was before you. It was before you made me feel better than I have in years. And I know that's something you may not understand because I'm your first boyfriend and you've never had any past experiences to compare to what we have, but it's true. When I met you, I knew I wanted to be with you - _really_ be with you, not the crap I used to do. And _that's_ why I wanna wait. Because I wanna treat you better, so much better than I've ever treated anyone else. Because you deserve that, Matty. Whether you think so or not. You deserve the best, and I by no means am God's gift to the Earth, but I'll try my damn hardest to be the best I can be for you, baby boy…"

Matt wiped the few tears that had rolled down his cheeks, sniffling softly. "I just don't want you to realize that you'd rather be with someone better than me. Someone who can please you. I guess that's why I seem to be in such a rush to- You know. But I also just don't understand these things, like waiting, or why this is such a big deal. I-I mean, I can see why it is, I just- I don't even know what I'm trying to say, everything's just a lot, I-I'm sorry." He said, wiping his cheeks again. He hated that he cried so easily.

Kelly shook his head, "Matty, you don't gotta be sorry. Can I…?" He asked, trailing off, motioning with his arms that he wanted to hold the blonde. Matt sniffled again, nodding. Kelly wrapped his arms around his boy awkwardly, since they were in two separate car seats, and kissed Matt's blonde head repeatedly. "I know this can be scary. But I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. Not as long as you'll have me." Kelly whispered. Casey just nodded, letting himself be small in Severide's arms.

"Let's head back. Shay's staying in tonight, so we could play poker, or watch a movie, or whatever you two wanna do." He said, rubbing Matt's shoulders. The blonde nodded, smiling a little, "Okay."

They ended up stopping at Matt's apartment first because Severide thought the younger of the two could use some of his own clothes while he'd be staying with Kelly and Shay for however long he wanted to. Matt had protested at first, saying how he didn't want to be a bother or inconveniencing either his friend or boyfriend, but Kelly didn't want to hear any of it - he told the blonde that he and Shay both loved having Matt around, and he was never a bother to either of them.

When they'd gotten inside of Kelly's and Shay's apartment, the blonde woman smiled, "Hey buddy. How was work?" Matt shyly clutched the clothes he'd brought from his apartment to his chest, looking down, "It was okay." He replied. Kelly went to the fridge to grab himself a beer, "What do you guys wanna do tonight? Movie? Poker?" He asked, taking the cap off of the beer bottle.

"Um, actually- I was kind of wondering if we could go out? Dom's been saying she wants to meet you both. I was thinking maybe we could take a walk in the city? Stop for coffee, or whatever you guys feel like?" Shay suggested, biting her lip.

Kelly grinned, "Sounds great. Invite her for dinner, then we could head out after we eat." He said, then glanced at Matt, "You okay with going out tonight, Matty?" The blonde man bit his lip, shuffling his feet, "I-I… I guess so, yeah. Erm, but- What if she thinks I'm weird?" He asked, his voice small. Meeting new people was hard, so was going out in public and being "social." That time Shay took him to Molly's when he and Severide met, although it ended well, it was a scary experience because of his aversion to loud noises, many voices at once, and strangers; and because of his social anxiety.

Shay smiled softly, "She won't, Matt. I promise. I talk about you all the time - she always says she can't wait to meet you." She said. Matt nodded, swallowing thickly, "O-Okay…" Kelly approached the boy, slipping his hand into Matt's, "It'll be okay. I'll be right there, alright? You'll be okay."

Matt squeezed Kelly's hand, smiling appreciatively at his boyfriend. He could still feel the anxiety in the center of his chest, but Kelly's words made him feel a little better. He took a breath, smiling at Shay; he silently promised that he'd try his best not to be an embarrassment…

* * *

**_CHAPTER FIVE: You’re Not A Burden_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aahhh, we get to meet Shay's girlfriend next chap.! :D
> 
> thoughts on this part? do you guys like the lengthier chapters..??
> 
> you're all amazing! see you in ch. 6!  
> kisses!! xx <3


	6. Kiss Away Your Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severide and Casey finally meet Shay's girlfriend, Dominique. All goes well for a while, until Matt runs into some trouble with a group of men who can't seem to realize when it's time to back off.
> 
> As usual, Voight and the rest of CPD saves the day, but that doesn't stop Casey from blaming himself for the trouble those jerks caused. Can Severide make his boyfriend see that the problem does not lie with Matt himself, but with how the rest of the world looks down upon people's differences?
> 
> Will this traumatic occurrence draw the blonde further from Kelly? Or closer to him?
> 
> Word Count:  
> 3,711 words.

**CONTENT WARNING:**

**Use of the R & F slur.**

  
  


So far, everything was going great. Dominique (or Dom, as Shay liked to call her) was a great person, and Matt found that he could be comfortable around her. She was kind, and didn't stare at him like he was weird, or like there was something wrong with him. 

After dinner, they all got into Shay's car and the blonde woman drove to a local coffee shop. Once arriving, Kelly put his arm around Matt's shoulders as the two men stood in the lineup behind Shay and Dom. Matt leaned into Severide's side, smiling up at his boyfriend. Kelly smiled back, gazing into the blonde's perfect blue eyes. He brushed his fingers along the younger man's cheek, cupping it softly as he leaned in to kiss Matt's lips.

Matt could pick up the sound of quiet laughter coming from further inside of the coffee shop. His anxiety told him it was directed at him, but Kelly's lips pressed against his told him to ignore his anxiety for once. 

The barista behind the cash register cleared her throat, but she was smiling fondly at the couple. Kelly smiled, "Sorry." He said, stepping forward after he pulled away from his boyfriend's lips. He ordered a coffee for himself, and a blueberry muffin for Matt. He took his boy's hand, walking with him to where Shay and Dom were waiting for their orders, after he had paid.

Kelly noticed something was off once they were further inside of the shop. Matt's skin was paler, he was fidgety, he was flicking his hands almost every minute - he looked scared. Shay picked up on this too. "Matt? You okay?" She asked, eyeing him. Casey only nodded in reply, but his nod was a bit too curt for Severide's liking.

The laughter came again, and Kelly wouldn't have thought anything of it -because they were in a public gathering spot, full of teenagers, so of course there'd be laughter- if not for the way Matt visibly flinched. Kelly's eyes found their way to a table of men, all of them between the age range of eighteen or nineteen and mid/late twenties; all of them were staring at Matt, and averted their eyes when Kelly caught them. They all were very obviously snickering, whispering derogatory things to one another about the blonde man - who was currently patting his ears to comfort himself against the sound of people laughing at him.

Casey let out a soft moan, squeezing his eyes shut, still patting his ears. Kelly grit his teeth, having the mind to march right over there, and knock them all on their arrogant asses. Shay grabbed his arms, "Don't." She said firmly. "Let's take our stuff to go, okay? We'll just walk around. Don't cause a scene, you'll make this worse for Matt. I'll explain when we leave."

Kelly turned to look at the group of men once more, jaw clenched, before he took a breath and decided to listen to Shay. They took their orders to go and left the coffee shop. Dom bit her lip, "Hey Matt… Don't let that shit bother you. They're just assholes. You're better than them, by a long shot." She said, her voice kind and reassuring, her eyes soft as she looked at the blonde man.

Matt only let out a soft moan, tears stinging his eyes as he leaned into Kelly's arms when the squad lieutenant went to embrace his boyfriend. "Shh…" Kelly whispered into the shell of Matt's ear, gently rubbing the back of the blonde's neck. "Come on; let's go for a walk, alright? Moving will keep us warm." Severide said gently. Matt slowly nodded, taking the older man's hand before the four of them began walking away from the coffee shop.

Behind them, they could hear the sound of the door to the coffee shop opening and laughter following. Kelly clenched his fist,  **_'If I don't break some necks today, I never will.'_ ** He thought to himself, refusing to turn around because he knew he'd only become more enraged.

"Hey retard!!" Came a voice from behind Kelly, Matt, Shay and Dom. Shay whipped her head around, her grip on Dom’s hand tightening as she fought with herself to remain as calm as possible for Matt’s sake; "We don't want any trouble. Just leave us alone." She said to the group of men, lips pressed into a thin line.

One of them -who looked no older than just nineteen- just laughed, he and the group approaching Shay. Kelly stepped in front of her, staring the group of jerks down. "My friend said we don't want any trouble. Now I suggest you get the hell out of here." He said, his voice meaning business.

One of the older men in the group just snorted, crossing his arms over his chest, "Yeah? Fuck you gonna do about it? Are you his boyfriend?"

"You a little faggot too?" Another chimed in, no older than twenty or maybe twenty-one.

"Little?" Kelly asked, stepping forward. He felt Shay's hand on his bicep, and it took everything in him not to shrug it off. He turned around when he heard a low humming coming from Matt. He was pounding the palm of his hand against his head, eyes scrunched tight as he fought back the urge to cry - he was terrified, and just wanted to get the hell out of there. He wanted to go home, and bury himself under his weighted blanket and forget that he was such a freak of nature.

And he wanted to forget that right now, in this moment, he hated himself.

Laughter erupted from the group. One of the men moved forward, probably wanting to further upset Matt by pushing him or shoving him around, but Kelly shoved his hands into the stranger's chest. "Back the hell off." Severide growled. The other man didn't think twice before throwing a punch, hitting Kelly square in the jaw.

Dom shrieked in surprise, clinging to Shay’s arm; they were heavily out-numbered, and everyone knew Kelly wouldn’t be backing down now.

The Squad 3 lieutenant groaned at the impact, but it took mere seconds for him to shake it off and hurl himself at his attacker. He landed a punch to the other man’s nose, hearing a bone crack and watched as blood streamed into the man’s mouth - who was now probably sheltering a broken nose.

Severide felt someone leap onto his back, sending him to his knees and watched as one of the bigger guys pulled out a switchblade, feeling his blood run cold. He’d made a stupid decision, and now he’d put his boyfriend, his best friend and her girlfriend in serious danger.

He watched as the building with legs approached him, blade clutched tightly in his left hand. He grabbed Severide’s throat, slamming him against a nearby tree that was planted outside of a corner store - and the thing wasn’t sturdy or thick at all; the branches trembled heavily as the impact of Severide’s body. Kelly’s heart was slamming against his ribcage, he didn’t have a plan. He couldn’t fight this guy; there were at least sixteen others who’d likely kick his ass until he was pissing blood.

And then…

“ **CHICAGO PD! PUT YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE ‘EM!** ”

**_‘Thank fuck.’_ ** Kelly mentally said to himself, sighing as he watched the group of men lift their hands and the man who’d had a grip on his throat drop the switchblade to the ground.

He stood up straight, glancing over at Voight thankfully. He spotted and recognized Ruzek and Burgess on the scene as well. Voight approached Severide with his usual authoritative stride, “Never can keep yourself out of a fight, can you?” He half joked. Kelly snorted, “I wouldn’t have gotten involved, I swear, it’s just- They were harassing my boyfriend. He’s over -” He stopped abruptly midsentence when he realized Matt wasn’t where Severide had last seen him.

“Where’s Matt??” He asked in panic, glaring at Shay. The blonde woman glanced around their location, her eyes going wide, “He- He was just here, I -”

Kelly didn’t wait for her to finish, he took off running.

“Matt! Matt!!” He called, heart pounding.

“Kelly, damn it, stop; let PD handle this!” Voight called in pursuit of the firefighter. He grabbed Kelly’s arms in restraint, speaking low and close to the distressed man’s ear, “Let us do our job. You go and take the ladies down to the station; we’ll find Matt, and I’ll bring him to you myself.”

Kelly clenched his jaw. He wanted to go after his boy himself, find him, and bring him home; tuck him into his arms, hold the blonde, and never let him go.

He hated how people can be so cruel. He hated that Matt was probably wandering around right now, scared and probably hating himself, thinking that this was somehow his fault. Kelly’s eyes watered as he imagined his boy in tears, or curled up in a corner, just needing to escape what had happened. He shouldn’t be on his own - he should be with Kelly.

But, he knew Voight was right. He sighed, nodding. Hank let go of Kelly’s arms, allowing the squad lieutenant to go back to where Shay and Dom were.

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


Kelly was waiting anxiously down at CPD station, Shay rubbing comforting circles on the back of his hand. It’d been hours.

“Kelly, this isn’t your fault. He’s done this before.” The blonde woman whispered. Kelly snapped his head to the side, looking at her, “What? Those pricks- This is some kind of regular occurrence!?”

“Well, I… I wouldn’t say  _ regular.  _ Matt doesn’t exactly go out much. But, yeah, they’ve picked on him before. They’re a bunch of jerks - drug dealers, high school dropouts, other illegal offenders, who the hell knows. Matt’s fled before. CPD has been called more than once to look for him.”

“I think I’m gonna throw up.” Kelly mumbled, pressing his face into his hands. Before Shay could say anything, Dom stood up; “There he is!” Kelly’s head snapped up. He stood up so fast that he almost fell over, making long strides over to where Hank was approaching them with Matt by his side. When he got closer, he could see that his boy was shaking. His heart twisted, sending a deep ache to run through his whole chest.

“He got pretty far, considering everything. He’s a good hider, I’ll give him that.” Voight said. Kelly’s shoulders sagged as he emitted a breath of defeat mixed with relief, “Thank you. For everything.” He said to the sergeant. Voight waved his hand, “Forget it. It’s my job. Get him home, make sure he stays warm.”

So that’s exactly what they did.

Shay and Kelly had decided that both Dom and Matt should stay the night, considering everyone was shaken up. Shay was going to call Matt’s work, and explain everything - they’d give him the day off, to rest and recuperate. However, Kelly and Shay were both on shift, so Matt would be home alone - Dom was also working in the morning, and would need to leave shortly after Severide and her girlfriend did.

Not that Matt couldn’t take care of himself, he did live alone after all; Severide was just overly concerned and protective right now.

At the apartment, Shay had curled herself up on the couch with Dom to watch a bit of TV before they turned in for the night while Kelly was getting things ready for Matt to have a hot shower, thinking it’d calm his nerves a bit.

He was desperately wanting to hold his boyfriend, but Matt had been refusing all contact since Voight had brought him to the station.

“Everything’s ready - call me if you need anything, okay?” Severide said, about to walk past Matt to exit the bathroom when the blonde stopped him by asking in a soft voice, “Could you bring me one of your hoodies or sweaters? So I can wear it to bed…?” Kelly looked back at him, smiling warmly at the blonde’s timid expression. “Yeah, of course.” He replied, about to close the door when he was stopped again when Casey said, “Kelly -” He stopped himself suddenly, his voice even smaller now. The older man turned around once more, waiting for Matt to finish.

But he didn’t. Instead, his eyes filled with salty tears and he just stood there, staring at Severide and trembled as he tried to fight off a sob. Kelly frowned, “Hey…” He whispered, stepping as close as he could get to Matt without actually making contact. The blonde collapsed forward with a shuddering breath and Kelly caught him in his arms.

“Shh.” He soothed, wrapping his arms tightly around Matt. “Baby, I’m here. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry…” Kelly murmured into Casey’s ear, gently running his fingers through the younger man’s blonde hair. Matt shook his head, sniffling against Kelly’s chest, “It isn’t your fault. It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been there. You three would’ve been fine - you almost got stabbed, or worse, because of me. Just cut me loose, Kelly. Forget you ever knew me. I’m not worth all of this, I’m not.”

The boy was sobbing by the end, his body shaking heavily under Kelly’s embrace. But the older man only held him tighter, “Don’t say that.” He said firmly, almost on the verge of breaking down himself. But he held it together. “Don’t ever say that; my life has only gotten better since I met you. And I know that it will only continue to get better. I’m never ‘cutting you loose’, Matt. I wanna be with you for as long as you want me here. I wanna be here to support you, pick you up when you’re down, make you laugh, wipe your tears when you cry… I want to keep getting to know you. I don’t ever want you to feel like I don’t want you around. You’re so special to me, Matty. I swear to you.”

Casey slowly lifted his head after a short bit of silence, his eyes watery. Kelly caressed his cheeks softly, pressing their lips together in a tender kiss. Matt leaned against the other man, grounding himself with the sound of Kelly’s breathing against his ear.

“Go have a shower. I’ll be in my room when you’re done.” The older man whispered softly. The lovers pulled away, allowing Kelly to only get halfway out the door to the bathroom when he was stopped … again.

“Can you, um -” Matt started, stopping as he considered what he was about to ask. Kelly waited patiently, allowing the blonde to collect his thoughts. “Can you take one with me?” He asked timidly. Kelly opened his mouth to answer, but Matt was already continuing, “I mean- Not like that, just- I want you with me. I just need you with me, after everything.” 

Kelly only smiled, stepping back into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. He responded by stripping off his sweater, discarding it to the side. He smirked as he watched Matt just stare at his torso, looking him up and down. “See something you like?” Kelly teased, making Matt blush furiously. “Come on, strip. I’m getting cold already.” The silver-haired man said, pressing a kiss to Matt’s forehead.

The blonde nodded shyly, turning so his back faced Kelly as he got himself fully undressed. Kelly was about to do the same, but his breath caught in his throat when he caught sight of the marks on Matt’s back. There were scars as if he’d been cut, and also various patches where it looked like he’d had something hot pressed to his skin to burn him. When he turned around, Kelly saw that his abs were just as marked up. He averted his gaze before Matt could see that he’d been staring, not wanting to make the blonde feel worse than he was already feeling.

It just stung so bad that someone would ever think to hurt another human being this way. Matt was barely an adult, and he’d already been through so much pain and torture in his life.

When the two men finally stepped into the shower, Kelly sighed with pleasure as they both stood under the spray of the hot water. Matt leaned against his boyfriend, feeling soothed as he felt himself be engulfed in the heat of the shower and Kelly’s body.

Severide looked down at the boy in his arms; his wet blonde head tucked under Kelly’s chin, his cheek resting peacefully against Kelly’s chest, and every so often Severide could feel Matt nuzzling against his skin. The squad lieutenant smiled, and he knew that in this moment, he was falling in love.

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


Kelly was laying against the pillows and sheets in his bed, with Matt tucked into his arms and his blonde head resting against Severide’s chest. The older of the two gently ran his fingers through Matt’s slightly damp hair - they’d been laying together, awake, for almost an hour after the shower they had taken.

Then, Matt broke their silence, “I never thought I’d have this. What we have. I never thought someone would ever care for me, beyond a friendship, like what I have with Leslie.” He said quietly, looking up at Severide after he’d finished. Kelly’s only response was a gentle kiss to Matt’s forehead, followed by a short bit of silence before he said, “Honestly I could say the same.”

“What do you mean? Surely you have lots of people that care about you - like at the firehouse. Right?” The blonde questioned. “And you’ve been with people before me. And you’d probably have found someone eventually if we’d never met. You’re likeable.”

Kelly’s eyes glazed over as he just stared ahead of him. Matt’s words were met with silence, which made his heart race because he thought he’d fucked up, or said the wrong thing. “Kelly?” He asked softly, pressing himself closer to the other man to bring him out of his dazed state. The squad lieutenant closed his eyes, letting out a soft sigh, “It’s complicated.” He whispered.

“Then explain it to me.” Matt pressed, intrigued by this new side of Kelly he was getting. It was like he was learning a secret that had never been shared before.

Severide’s eyes remained closed as he continued, “I guess people care about me, sure. But it’s hard for me to imagine ever finding what I have with you in someone else.”

“What’s so special about me, though?”   
  
“What’s special about me?” Kelly answered, surprising Matt. The blonde just stared at Kelly, wondering if he was somehow being sarcastic -sarcasm was not Matt’s strong suit, at all- or trying to be funny in some way. But Severide’s eyes showed no trace of him trying to joke. He was being dead serious.

“Everything.” Matt said quietly. “You look at me, and… It’s not in the way others look at me; you look at me as if you’re looking at something rare. Something important. Two things I never thought of myself as. You make me feel like for once, I can wake up knowing I won’t be going through the day feeling like it amounted to nothing - because at the end of it, I’ll walk outside and see you there waiting. Or when you’re on shift, I can send you a text, and you’ll send one back telling me you miss me. I never thought I’d have anyone actually miss  _ me. _ But you mean the things you say. You -” He stopped once he realized Kelly had tears in his eyes.

“Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong…?” He asked with worry in his tone. Kelly laughed through his tears, shaking his head, “No. No, you said everything right - you said everything I’ve wanted to hear since day one. But you echoed everything I’ve been wanting to say to you, too.”

Matt frowned, “What?”

“Matty, I may have friends. I may have Shay. I may look like I’m the guy who has it all figured out, and like nothing ever gets to me. But it’s all a fucking show. I don’t have anything figured out.  _ Everything  _ gets to me. And I have it all buried so deep inside, and no one’s ever been able to get me to talk about it. Even now, telling you this, it’s as hard as hell. But baby, fuck, I need you to know how you make me feel. How God damn happy you make me. I don’t want to lose you - and it feels like maybe I’m going into all of this too fast, but I don’t even fucking care, because today when I was sitting at PD for God knows how long, all I could think of was Voight coming back and telling me something had happened to you; and then I’d never get to say any of this, and you’d never know all this that I’m feeling that I have such a hard time getting out. Matty, I fucking love you.”

The blonde-haired man just stared at Kelly, his blue eyes pooling with tears.

_ I love you. _

The words he’s never heard. The words he’s ached to hear for as long as he could remember. Kelly had just said them. And he didn’t cry. He didn’t break down and sob, like he wanted to. For the first time in his life, he felt like he was in control of himself. He grinned, wiping his watery eyes, and crashed his lips against Severide’s with as much force as he could manage without hurting either of them.

Kelly grunted in surprise, but didn’t pull away. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, pulling Matt on top of him. The blonde’s thighs landed on either side of Kelly’s hips as he continued making out with the older man, the both of them whimpering and moaning into one another’s lips.

Matt finally pulled away, to which Kelly protested with a whine, stretching his neck so he could catch Casey’s lips once more. Matt halted him, his finger pressed firmly against Kelly’s mouth. He smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling and his eyes shimmering. Matt leaned forward and whispered into Severide’s ear, “I love you too.”  
  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


**_CHAPTER SIX: Kiss Away Your Fear_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok. XD a LOT happened in this chapter, lmao - let's unpack, shall we...?
> 
> so, first off: PD AND FIRE CROSSOVER, HECK YEAH!!!!!!!!! there's a reason the fandom tags for this book are PD as well as Fire; we're gonna be seeing a lot more of Voight and the crew very, very soon. ;) (*cough* more incoming Casey whump!) what're your guys's thoughts on the scene after the coffee shop, though ?? we finally got a lil' glimpse of protective Severide, lololol. my favorite Severide is protective & badass Severide, tbh. XD
> 
> i'll let you guys scream about how cute the shower-fluff scene was. :p but THEY FINALLY SAID THE L-WORD!!!!!! (i lowkey kind of feel like i dropped that bomb too soon ?? but honestly -and the people who're in relationships can vouch for this- every couple who's meant to be just *knows* when they're in love, y'know? it's not one of those things where too much waiting is involved. if it's true love, and it's a healthy dynamic, you know when you love one another.)
> 
> ok, i'm talking too much, haha. plssssss leave comments letting me know what you thought!!!!! make them as detailed as you want and by all means, feel free to SCREAM YOUR THOUGHTS. XD
> 
> i love all you guys.<3 kisses!!! xxx ^_^
> 
> (ps, pls leave thoughts regarding Dom!!! i'd love to hear what you guys think of her and Shay together!)


	7. Never Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month flies by, and Severide is still as much in love with Casey as he was since the night he'd first said the words - and maybe even more so. Shay and Dom are doing great, the four of them are getting along well.
> 
> One night, after a short while out at Molly's where Kelly introduces Matt to some of the Fifty-one members, Casey lies awake recalling his past. More specifically, his past regarding Christie Casey, his sister.
> 
> Word Count:  
> 3,121 words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! so, you might've noticed that there's one chapter missing. :p not to worry, i only got rid of the ANNOUNCEMENT chapter that i'd made roughly a month ago when i said i was taking a break/delaying updates or w/e i said b/c of school. i didn't delete any of the actual story's chapters, lol. XD
> 
> enjoy!!<3

**CONTENT WARNING:**

**Mentions of SH (self-harm) and suicide.**

  
  
  


Kelly woke to the sound of the alarm early the next morning. He sighed tiredly, scrubbing a hand over his eyes before reaching over and shutting off the clock. He smiled when he felt Matt's body stir beside him.

"Morning." The blonde mumbled, smiling shyly up at his boyfriend.

Kelly grinned, kissing the boy gently on the lips, "Morning sunshine. Hungry? Or you wanna stay in bed?"

"No, I'll get up. Just stay here for a little bit longer." He murmured, blushing a little.

"Of course, sweet heart." Severide placed a kiss on Matt's forehead, holding the younger man close in his arms. He relished in the warmth of Matt's bare chest against his, the blonde's arms around Kelly's naked torso. "I love you."

"I love you too..." Matt whispered in response, kissing Kelly's chin with a feather-light touch.

"I'm never going to be able to stop saying it now, you know." Severide chuckled. Casey giggled, nuzzling his cheek against his man's bare shoulder, "Honestly, neither will I. It's- It's such a new and scary feeling, but it's so fucking exciting at the same time."

"You don't think I said it too fast?"

"No, no, I... Honestly, I felt it too. But it wasn't until you said the words that I realized what exactly I was feeling. And it's not like anyone's ever told me those words, like ever, before."

Kelly frowned, "Well, I know you've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend or anything, but your family never -"

"Never loved me." Matt said, cutting off Kelly's sentence. His voice was matter-of-fact, because to him it was a fact. He was never loved. It was just Matt's reality.

Kelly swallowed, feeling a deep ache in his chest. "Matt, I... Matt, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to -"

"No, it's okay, you didn't. It just made last night all the more special. Because you're the first one to ever say it. But it also makes it scary, 'cause I just don't wanna mess this up and make you leave me all alone again."

"Baby, I'm not going anywhere, okay? I promise you. It's going to be okay, I swear. I promise you." Kelly said softly, his fingers gently stroking along Matt's cheek.

The blonde bit his lip shyly, nodding. "Okay. Okay, I'm sorry."

Kelly kissed him, "Don't be sorry. Let's go eat, okay? I gotta head out soon for my shift. But then I'll be off for forty-eight hours, alright? And you can stay here for all that time. I'll take you and pick you up from work, and we can do whatever you want. It'll be great."

Matt blushed, "Maybe we can do a little more of what we did last night."

"Oh you bet your sweet ass we'll be doing _lots_ of that."

Casey's blush intensified. He giggled, kissing Severide before he got up out of bed and winced at the dull ache in his backside. A reminder of last night's events.

"Are you sore?" Kelly asked, slipping out of bed and into his boxers and sweatshirt from last night.

"A bit. But it's bearable, I'm fine." Matt promised, smiling at Kelly before he got into his own clothes from last night, which had been on the hardwood floor while they were-

You know.

Together, the two men entered the kitchen to see Shay making coffee in the kitchen while Dom was cooking pancakes over the stove.

"Morning!" Dom chirped, smiling wide at the boyfriends.

"Morning." Kelly and Matt answered, smiling back.

Shay hid her smirk with a glass of juice, eyeing Kelly with knowing eyes. His cheeks flushed and he looked away, heading to the fridge to grab the milk for their coffees. Matt went to approach Shay, kissing her cheek in greeting, "Morning."

"Morning, buddy." She answered, hugging him tight. "Have fun last night?" She whispered in his ear, chuckling once he blushed crimson. "Shay!" He hissed, lowering his gaze in embarrassment.

She smiled fondly, rubbing his arms gently, "Relax. I'm happy for you, Matty. Just be careful, alright? Kelly'll understand if there's anything you don't want to do. So don't be afraid to speak your mind." Shay told him quietly. He blinked and smiled thankfully at her, biting his lip.

"Coffee's ready." Dom said once the kettle whistled.

  
  
  
  


**_1 month later_ **

  
  
  
  


"Kelly!!" Matt squealed, writhing and squirming as the older man held him in a vice grip, tickling him relentlessly.

Severide laughed, kissing his boy fondly on the cheek when he finally stopped. The blonde shoved him in the chest, "Goof." He muttered fondly, smiling and kissing Kelly's lips softly.

"So." Kelly started, holding Matt against his side, his arms wrapped securely around the blonde's waist. "I was wondering if you'd want to come to Molly's with me and Shay tonight?"

Matt felt his heart speed up. He bit his lip, shrugging.

"Baby, the guys at Fifty-one are great. They're all good people; none of them will laugh at you or be mean, I swear. And we don't even have to stay long. Kinda just wanna show you off to my friends for a bit." Severide said, smiling cheekily at the last bit.

Casey smiled a bit at that, "Shush." He mumbled, blushing a bit.

"Look, I won't force you, okay? But I swear to you, if we go, everything will be alright."

"Okay. Yeah, we can go. Sorry, I- I guess I'm still afraid. I trust you, that your friends from work are nice. It's not that I think they're awful or anything, but... I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Kelly." Matt said quietly, flicking his hands.

"Hey, hey. You know you never gotta apologize to me, baby. I understand." Severide murmured, kissing Casey's blonde head.

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


Shay, Matt, and Kelly entered Molly's that evening, greeted by the sounds of voices chattering and someone in the bar yelling:

"HEY, KELLY BROUGHT MATT!"

A man with black hair and a mustache approached the three friends, extending his hand towards the blonde, "Hi! I'm Brian, but everyone calls me Otis. You must be Matt Casey?"

"Erm, yeah, I'm Matt. Hi." The blonde answered timidly, flicking his hand before taking Otis' to shake it in greeting.

"Come on, I'll introduce you to my buddy Joe Cruz. Want a beer?"

"Oh, no thank you, erm- Just a diet coke is fine." He said, then he remembered; "Thank you."

Kelly kissed Matt's head, following his boyfriend as the blonde followed Otis. Shay followed behind Kelly. They all sat down, Cruz smiling brightly when he saw Matt. "Hey! I'm Joe. Everyone calls me Cruz, though. I'm fine with either. Nice to meet you, Matt."

Another hand being extended towards Matt.

The blonde felt his heart beating a little quicker but he ignored the overwhelming feeling that had started building, and shook Joe's hand politely. "Likewise."

"Herrmann!" Otis called. Matt flinched a bit at the raise in Brian's tone, trying hard to hide his slight discomfort in the sudden loud sound. But Kelly noticed and he rubbed a comforting hand over Matt's knee.

"Diet coke and two beers!"

Herrmann lifted a thumbs-up, "On it!"

"So Matt, Kelly says you work at the library. Are you a fan of books?" Cruz asked, sipping a bit of his beer.

"Yeah. I've always been a reader." The blonde answered, smiling a bit as he began to slightly relax.

"Favorite book or series -?"

"Percy Jackson." Matt answered quickly, blushing hard once he realized he'd cut Joe off a bit. But the other man didn't seem offended, he only smiled. "No way! I used to love that series."

Matt perked up, "You did? Which book was your favorite?"

And that was that.

Thirty minutes later, Matt was on his second diet coke, still on his rant about his special interest.

Kelly and Shay were on their second beers, engaging in a quiet side conversation, allowing Matt to keep talking to Cruz.

Otis had disappeared with Capp maybe ten minutes ago, hitting some harder stuff at the bar.

Cruz was listening intently, a smile on his face. Matt was feeling euphoric; it was new for him to have a stranger not tell him to be quiet, or be annoyed with him going on-and-on about Percy Jackson, or any of his other hyperfixations and special interests.

Soon, two women approached the table, interrupting Matt and Cruz's conversation - or rather, Matt talking and Cruz listening for about twenty minutes.

"Hi!" The blonde woman said.

"Matt, this is my partner Sylvie Brett, and our friend Stella Kidd on truck 81." Shay said, smiling at her friends.

Brett extended her hand, "It's nice to meet you, Matt. We've all heard so much about you."

Matt shakily and slowly extended his hand, heart thudding, a soft moan building up in the back of his throat, ready for him to go into over-stimulated mode. "I-It's nice to meet you too."

Stella extended her hand as well, to which Matt gave her an even shakier handshake as they greeted one another.

"I-I need some air." Casey whispered in Severide's ear once the two women sat down next to Cruz on the other side of the table.

"Want me to come with you?" Kelly asked, squeezing Matt's hand comfortingly. The blonde shook his head, already standing up and making his way towards the exit door.

"I'm sorry, Kelly - did we do something to upset him?" Sylvie asked sincerely, a concerned look in her eyes.

"No, no, don't worry. He just gets overwhelmed with a lot of things and senses at once. The handshaking was probably what did it." Kelly said, feeling like he didn't explain it right at all and mentally kicking himself because he wished he understood Matt's Autism better. "He'll be okay, he just needed some air. He'll be back."

Stella sipped her glass of whatever she was drinking. She smiled, "He seems sweet, though. And you've definitely seemed happier this last while. He makes you happy."

Kelly felt a blush creeping up his neck. He smiled bashfully, "Yeah. Yeah, he makes me really happy. He's so God damn amazing."

Shay smiled beside Severide, finishing off her beer. She rubbed his shoulder, "I'm going to go see if he needs to talk." She said, knowing Kelly would know what she meant.

She was thinking maybe he was self deprecating, and was feeling as though he was being an embarrassment for Kelly.

Shay made her way towards the exit of Molly’s and stepped into the cold Chicago air. She exhaled softly, watching the cloud of breath puff from her lips, smiling when she spotted Matt standing by himself with his hands in his pockets. She made her way over, refraining from touching him, knowing he’d had enough of that tonight.

“Hey.” She said softly. He turned to meet her gaze, smiling a bit, “Hey.” He answered, stuffing his hands in his coat pockets.

“What’re you thinking about?” Shay asked, tilting her head as she studied his expression; Shay was an expert at reading Matt.

“I don’t know. Kelly's probably more at ease in there without me to babysit.”

“Babysit?” Shay asked, raising an eyebrow. “Is that what you think he was doing? Well, I’ll be the first to tell you that you’re dead wrong.”

Matt sighed, looking down at his shoes, shrugging a bit. Shay slid her hands into her own pockets, exhaling softly again and watching the puff of breath in front of her face. “Matt, Kelly wasn’t babysitting you. He brought you here because he wanted you to meet his friends. He wanted you to have a good time. And he probably wanted to show you off, because I know him damn well, and it’s plain to see that he’s prouder and happier when he’s with you.”

Matt’s only response was silence. Shay smiled fondly, “Buddy, he loves you. He’s never going to be ashamed of you, or your Autism. He loves you despite your differences. You know me, I’d never bull shit you about this kind of thing.”

Casey sighed softly, because he knew she was right. “I know. I know, I’m sorry.”

Just then, Shay received a text. She smiled when she read it, her eyes lighting up. Matt caught this; “Dom?” He asked knowingly. Shay bit her lip, nodding, “She’s asking if I want to come over later and spend the night.”

“Well, go.” Matt said, grinning at his friend. “She makes you happy, huh?”

“Yeah. Happier than anyone I’ve ever been with before. She’s the best.” Shay said, typing out a quick response to Dom.

Just then, Kelly had walked out of Molly’s, spotting his friend and boyfriend. He headed over, “Hey. Just came to see if everything’s alright.”

Matt smiled softly, approaching Kelly and slowly wrapped his arms around the older man’s torso. Kelly raised his eyebrows, wrapping his arms back around Matt, “Guess that’s a yes?”

"I'm sorry I left." Matt said, pressing a kiss to Kelly's jaw. The older man smiled, "It's alright, don't worry. You want to head home?"

"Erm, yeah - Shay's going over to Dom's." Matt said, snuggling into Kelly's warmth as the other man held him close. Kelly smirked at Shay, "Oh?"

"Shut up, Severide."

The squad lieutenant chuckled, his arm wrapping around Matt's shoulders, "I'll go and say bye to everyone, then we can start heading home."

Once Kelly had done that, the three were on their way home. But when they'd gotten inside, Shay grabbed her keys and immediately turned to head out again.

"Good night! I'll see you both in the morning." She said, smiling at her friends before she headed out the door.

"Night." Kelly and Matt both said in response. Kelly wrapped his arms around Matt, pulling the boy back towards him. He bucked his hips forward, grinding his pelvic against Matt's ass. He lowered his lips towards the blonde's ear and whispered huskily, "Why don't we go to my room now that we're alone, hm?"

Matt blushed, nodding. He moaned softly once he felt Kelly's tongue and lips against his neck. The older man smirked, lifting the younger up fireman style and carried him into the bedroom.

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


Matt nestled against Kelly's naked chest, smiling as he felt his boyfriend's lips against his forehead. "That was... wow." He murmured. Kelly laughed, holding his boy closer, "Yeah. Wow sums it up really well."

"Hey, Matty?" Kelly asked. Matt looked up. The older man bit his lip, "I- I wanna ask you about the marks on your back, and on your stomach. I noticed them the night after what happened at the coffee shop, when we showered together. And I noticed them the first night we did it, and every time since, whenever I've seen you without a top on."

The blonde's muscles tensed, and he felt his heart freeze. Kelly softly ran his fingers through the boy's hair, "Hey. Hey, stay with me, Matt. Okay? I'm right here. You're safe, it's just us, baby boy." The man said, getting better at calming the boy down when the signs of a panic attack or flashback were arising.

Casey clenched his eyes tight, pressing into Kelly’s touch, grounding himself. He was silent for a while before he finally sighed, opening his eyes. He bit the inside of his cheek, “What do you want to know?”

“Who gave them to you? Was it, uh- Your dad?”

“Some of them, yeah...”

Kelly pressed a kiss to Matt’s head, rubbing the boy’s bare shoulder gently. Matt sighed, “He’d hit me with a belt, whenever he was upset with me. Those are the lines across my back - they’re from the belt. I, uh- I also have some burn scars. Some of them are from him, some are from... erm, my sister.”

Kelly was confused. He hadn’t even known Matt _had_ a sister.

“You have a sister?”

“Had.” Matt said, swallowing thickly. “She committed suicide last year. She... She couldn’t deal with it. She was pretty much brainwashed by my dad; he’d convinced her that there was something wrong with me, that I _deserved_ what he was doing to me - he made her believe that I deserved to be in pain.”

Kelly was about to speak, but Matt went on; “Christie, my sister, couldn’t live with the things he made her do to me. I tried to tell her many times that I forgave her, that I never blamed her; she was just a kid herself, and we both knew how insane my dad was. He’d probably have killed her if she refused to do as she was told. But she just couldn’t believe me. She’d started cutting herself when I was about thirteen, or maybe twelve... I don't remember, but my dad found out, and he just laughed in her face. Called her a ‘weak bitch’, told her she was worthless. It destroyed her.”

Kelly felt a tear roll down his cheek. There was a rock-sized lump in his throat as he continued to listen to Matt’s story.

“Um, the uh... the marks on my stomach are from me. I’d started hurting myself too once I’d learned that she had - and even more so after she died. I don't anymore, though... At least I haven't for a while, and I haven't thought about it at all since we'd met.”

There was silence for a bit. Then Kelly let out a shaky sigh, wrapping his arms as tight as possible around Casey. He felt like he couldn’t even speak. To know that Matt had gone through _so much_ pain was gut-wrenching.

“Matt, I-I’m so sorry.” Severide whispered, lifting a shaky hand to wipe at his cheeks. Matt shrugged, his own cheeks staining with his own tears. “Such is life, I guess.” The blonde whispered hoarsely. Kelly shook his head, “No. No, it’s not. That should’ve never fucking happened to you, Matty. I-I swear, I... I’ll never fucking let _anyone_ hurt you like that, or at all, ever again. I promise you.”

Matt’s only response was a faint whimper before he nuzzles his face into the warmth of Kelly’s bare chest, humming to comfort himself, slightly rocking his body a bit. Severide kissed Matt’s blonde head, running his fingertips through the messy strands of the younger man’s hair, kissing his forehead lovingly. “I love you so much.”

Matt sniffled, his breathing shaky. “I love you too.” He whispered in response, still not looking up.

The three words Matt had said before were still ringing in Kelly’s mind; **_“Such is life…”_ **

The meaning of those words sent a deep and sharp ache to pierce Kelly’s heart. This _was_ Matt’s life, it was his reality. He’d really been through all these awful times, and he’d really known this much abandonment and pain. **_‘Never again.’_ ** Kelly vowed. He’d never let his blonde, beautiful, perfect, sweet boy be touched in a way that wasn’t with love - not ever, ever fucking again.

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


**_CHAPTER SEVEN: Never Again_ **

**_EDITED: 02/10/21_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are SO MUCH appreciated!!! let me know what you all thought of this chap. :)
> 
> until next time! xx  
> kisses!!!!!!!! 😘😘😘
> 
> (PS, i started adding the content warnings at the stop, instead of above/below every single paragraph that included a possible trigger or something that may make some of the readers uncomfortable, like slurs. do you guys like this better? or did you prefer the CW above the paragraph or sentence that included the trigger/discomfort? let me know!)


	8. Miss You When You're Not Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt spends the evening after work alone in Kelly's and Shay's apartment while both his boyfriend and best friend are on shift, until the possibility arises for him to meet Dominique for dinner. Besides the slight separation anxiety he experiences while being alone in an apartment when he wishes he was with Kelly, nothing too out-of-the-ordinary happens... That is, until Shay calls him at two in the morning with some bad news.
> 
> Word Count:  
> 3,875 words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! i'd just like to say before you get into this chapter that an update for "Perfectly Imperfect - but just the smut" (which will be the continuation / smut scene from Ch. 7) is coming very soon!! it took me a lot of editing time to get this update for this book done -cuz i'm just so damn critical of my writing, lol- and i'm too mentally drained to try and crank out an update for the other "PI" book tonight as well. :( i will try and get it done for tomorrow though, i promise y'all. :)
> 
> enjoy chapter 8, i love all of you guys.<3

It was one of Kelly's shift days today, and Matt needed to head back to Kelly's and Shay's apartment by himself after he'd finished his shift at the library.

He waited at the bus stop for what felt like an eternity since it was freezing cold outside. By the time the bus had arrived, Matt's teeth were chattering and his hands were numb even though he was wearing mittens (although, they weren't very good ones, since Matt couldn't afford the ones that _actually_ keep your hands warm).

They were an old, worn out pair that he'd found at a thrift store two or so years ago. Like everything, Matt never bothered to spend any extra money that he didn't have on something that was actually decent quality and would do its job (like keeping him warm, for example). He just needed to save every extra penny he had, and put it towards food and his rent - things which would keep him alive.

While on the bus ride back to the apartment, Matt pulled out his phone to text Kelly:

_Hey. :)_

_Miss you. Let me know you’re okay whenever you get this._

_Love you <3 _

He slid his phone into his pocket and slipped his headphones on, leaning his head back a bit.

Once he was at the stop before the one he had to get off at, he felt his phone vibrate. He assumed it was Kelly, but when he unlocked his phone, he was surprised to see that it was Dom. She'd sent:

_Hey! I finish work in about an hour, wanna go have dinner?? Maybe around 8?_

Matt bit his lip, staring at the text. It wasn’t that he disliked Dom; he didn’t. He liked her a lot. But going out for dinner meant possibly a restaurant that he’d never been to before, an eternity staring at the menu trying to work out in his brain which choice would have the least amount of intense tastes hitting him all at once, and what if the restaurant didn’t have diet coke?

Matt had a very specific way of making his time out as least stressful as possible. He didn’t know how to tell Dom this, nor did he even know if she’d understand. What if she thought he was weird?

**_‘I am weird, though.’_ ** Matt thought to himself bitterly.

He sighed, hesitating before he typed a quick “sure” before he had the chance to think any more about it and chicken out. This was a good thing, though. Matt had never thought socializing or having friends was a bad thing, in fact, he was always envious of people who could just let go and be carefree, and not worry about all of the things Matt worried about on a daily basis that prevented him from being “normal” and having friends, and going out.

Dom replied quick:

_Great! I’ll pick you up at 8 then. My treat :)_

Casey swallowed thickly, biting his lip. He closed his phone, sighing softly before he realized he was at his stop. He got off the bus and immediately shivered as the cold hit him. He headed inside the building and up to Kelly’s and Shay’s front door, locking it behind him (he had a spare key).

He hung up his coat and immediately went to the couch, draping the weighted blanket that he’d brought from his own apartment to Kelly’s and Shay’s over himself. He hid under his safe space for a long time, not doing anything, only laying in a curled up ball with his knees to his chest as the gears in his overactive brain whirled in his head.

When he finally got out from under his hiding place, he went to the fridge to grab a bottle of water before heading into Kelly’s room. He changed out of his own sweater into one of Kelly’s hoodies, relishing in the scent of his boyfriend surrounding him.

He uncapped the bottle before sipping some of his water and climbed into Kelly’s bed with a sigh, checking his phone nearly every ten minutes to see if the squad lieutenant had replied. The crushing weight of Matt’s loneliness began to sit on his chest, restricting his breathing.

He missed Kelly.

This was a regular occurrence every time he came back to the apartment when Kelly was on shift. But he never told the older man about it, it just remained another one of Matt’s secrets that stayed buried inside of him.

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


When 7:30 rolled around, Matt was pacing the kitchen, pounding his palm against the top of his head.

He was second guessing his decision to go to dinner with Dom.

Tears built up in Casey’s eyes, a low moan at the back of his throat slipping past his lips. He flicked his hands aggressively, whimpering, humming, and continuing to pound at his skull. When it all became too much, he pulled out his phone and with shaky hands, he typed a message to Dom:

_Hey. Really sorry. Don’t feel well. Maybe another time._

Matt sniffled, anxiously staring at the screen, biting his thumb. Her response came quick:

_Aw, that sucks :(_

_Feel better!! Don’t worry about it! :)_

He clicked off his phone, pocketing it again, and went to bury himself back under his weighted blanket to stop himself from going through the breakdown he could feel coming on. But just as he tucked himself under his safe space, his phone vibrated again.

And this time, it was Kelly:

_Hey sweetness <3 _

_I miss you too. How was work? You doing alright? Shay left something for you in the fridge to have for dinner._

_I love you!_

Matt wiped his teary eyes and damp cheeks, typing a response with his hands still shaking:

_Work was fine. I’m fine._

He knew Kelly would be able to tell something was off with his short and dismissive reply. He just couldn’t get himself to have a proper conversation right now. He wanted to be left alone.

_I’m going to have a nap. See you tomorrow._

With that last text, Matt shut off his phone entirely and curled up with his arms around his knees, eyes shut tight. Eventually, the crying and the whirling thoughts wore off, and he was left exhausted. He left the couch and took off his jeans, leaving him in just his boxers, and climbed into Kelly’s bed to fall asleep in his boyfriend’s sweatshirt.

He'd only slept for about an hour before he woke up a little disoriented. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, realizing he was going to be alone tonight and tomorrow morning until his shift at the library finished, after which he'd finally see Kelly again. He sighed, getting out of bed and heading to the kitchen to finally have something to eat, even though it was a little after 9 PM.

He turned on his phone as he microwaved the piece of chicken cutlet and roasted potatoes Shay had left on a plate for him in the fridge. He opened his messages once he saw he'd missed a few while he was sleeping. They were from Kelly.

_Is everything okay?_

_If you're going to have a nap, make sure you eat your dinner when you wake up <3 _

_I love you, Matty. I miss you loads, baby._

Matt frowned, the ache in his chest that he felt because he missed Kelly worsening. He sighed, typing a message to his boyfriend:

_I miss you too. I just want tomorrow to come soon, so I can be with you again._

The microwave beeped and Matt took out his dinner, heading to the table to eat. He clicked the TV on while he ate, choosing one of the Fast and the Furious movies to watch, smiling as he thought of Kelly, and how this movie series was his man's favorite. He glanced longingly at the couch, yearning for the feel of Kelly's arms around his waist, holding him close as they watched movies together.

**_'Soon.'_ **He told himself, with a small smile.

Soon.

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


At around two in the morning, Matt awoke to his phone vibrating on Kelly's nightstand next to the bed. He frowned, reaching for the phone seeing Shay's name written across the screen.

"Hello...?"

"Matt, hey. I'm sorry to wake you, I just, I- Kelly got hurt on a call. We're at Med right now. I didn't know who else to call, I'm so emotionally fried right now, I -"

Matt cut her off, "Wait- What? Is he okay? What happened?" He asked, sitting bolt upright, his heart racing.

"It's alright, he's going to be fine, just some smoke inhalation and a mild concussion. They're going to keep him overnight for monitoring, but he's been told to head home in the morning, and he can return to work after forty-eight hours. But it's- It's not only that. Dom's parents found out about us." Shay said, the tremble in her voice making it clearer to Matt that her anxiety was not only about Kelly.

"Oh. Well, is that bad? What're her parents like?"

"God, they're fucking awful. They're diehard Christians and super homophobic. They still don't accept that their daughter is a lesbian, for fuck's sake. They're telling her if she won't stop seeing me, they're going to cut her off from the whole family." Shay said, exhaling hard. She continued, "It's just so fucked up! She's a grown woman and they're trying to manipulate her. Of course, she told them to fuck themselves, but it's still hard on her. She's going to lose her whole family, Matt. God, you must be tired - I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up with this, buddy. I'm sorry."

"Shay, don't apologize. You'd do the exact same for me - and you have. Are you heading back to work? Are you going to finish your shift?"

The woman sighed, "Well yeah, there really isn't a valid reason for me to request time off. And Kelly's already told me he's okay to spend the night alone. God, I just- I'm so pissed off, Matt. Why're people so fucking awful, huh? Why can't parents just accept their kids without these stupid conditions? Who cares if Dom is gay?? It's not the end of the God damn world!"

Matt empathized with Shay. It must be difficult to see your partner be going through such a tough time.

Then it dawned on him.

Was this how Kelly felt when Matt was struggling emotionally? Did it affect him the way the situation with Dominique was affecting Shay?

"Look, I'm gonna let you get back to sleep." Shay said, shaking Matt from his thoughts. "Thanks for listening. Again, sorry for waking you. I'll see you tomorrow, alright? I love you, buddy."

"You don't have to be sorry. I love you too, Shay. Just hang in there. Oh wait- Um, when did all this happen? Because... well, Dom asked me to go to dinner with her tonight. At first I said yes, and then I just started over thinking and I panicked and I said no at the last minute." Matt said, sighing softly.

"Oh Matt..." Shay said. "It happened around 9 or 10 this evening. Look, Dom's the type to understand. I'll talk to her about it. You don't have to feel too bad. But, you definitely gotta try and not overthink these things too much, okay? People like me, like Kelly, and Dom, we're not the type you gotta be anxious around. You can be all sorts of 'weird' around us, and we won't even think twice about it. Dom's the kind of person to see you for who you are, buddy. You can trust her."

Matt nodded, even though he knew Shay couldn't see him. He knew she was right. "I know. I know, I'm trying, I'm sorry."

"It's alright, buddy. Go back to sleep, okay?"

"Okay. I- I might take off work tomorrow. And stay here to make sure Kelly's alright."

He could practically hear the smile on Shay's face through the phone. She giggled, "Alright. I'll tell him, he'll be glad to hear it. Good night, Matt."

"Night, Shay."

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


The next morning, Matt woke to the sound of the door to Kelly's and Shay's apartment opening. He excitedly pushed off the duvet and hurried out to see Kelly, and Shay as well since she was the one to bring him to the apartment from the hospital.

"Kelly." Matt said, smiling wide.

“Hi Matty.” Kelly said, smiling lovingly when he saw his boyfriend coming into the room - and wearing his hoodie. He wrapped his arms around the blonde, kissing him sweetly, “Miss me?”

“A lot.” Matt answered honestly, frowning once he saw the gauze pressed and held to the side of Kelly’s head with medical tape. “Are you okay?”

“Looks worse than it is, baby. I feel fine. Although, I would enjoy taking you back to bed -”

Shay cleared her throat, but there was a fond smirk on her face. “Before I puke all over the floor, the two of you should know that there is someone standing right behind you. And she is currently late, so I will be back tonight after shift is over.”

Matt blushed as Kelly chuckled, dropping his arms to hug around Matt’s waist. “See you tonight.” The older of the two said. Matt leaned into Kelly’s arms, giving a half-wave to Shay, “See you later.” She smiled, grabbing her keys and heading back out the front door. Kelly nuzzled his face into the crook of Matt’s neck sleepily. The blonde giggled, “Tired? Do you want something to eat?”

“I can think of one thing in particular that I’d like to eat right now.” Kelly said, his hand cupping and smacking Matt’s ass causing the younger man to yelp in surprise and blush furiously. “Kelly!!” He said, hiding his face shyly.

“Let’s do that later, maybe.” Matt mumbled, still hiding his face in embarrassment. “Do you want me to make you something?”

“Not right now. Bed.” Kelly replied, yawning softly. Matt took his boyfriend’s hand, leading him to his bedroom and chuckled once Kelly just plopped himself onto the bed with a thud. His chuckle immediately ceased, however, as he began harbouring thoughts of concern and worry once Kelly winced; “Ow, fucking Christ.”

“You good?” Matt asked, climbing onto the bed beside the squad lieutenant. “Yeah, I’m fine, just- You know. Head.” Kelly said, chuckling a bit at himself. Matt shook his head, sighing, “You have to be careful.”

“Yes, mom.” Kelly joked, smiling up at the younger of the two. Matt snorted, nestling down between Kelly’s arms, “Shut up.” The older man just grinned, stretching out before kicking his jeans off and yanking his top over his head, tossing both items of clothing onto the floor. He yawned, “I would love to have you suck me off while wearing my hoodie, but I might fall asleep before you could actually get my dick up.”

Matt blushed, rolling his eyes, “Just get some rest. We’ll see what we can do later once you’re more awake.”

“Sounds like a decent plan, sir.” Kelly said, winking up at the blonde and laughing once Matt swatted at his shoulder. “Come here, and close your eyes.” Matt murmured, pulling Kelly against his chest to which the man hummed in surprise once he was in the position that was often so many times reversed with Matt against Kelly’s chest. But the change felt nice, and feeling Matt’s hands and fingers brush over the top of his head and through his hair soothed the pounding in his skull that hadn’t gone away since he’d woken up in the back of the ambo.

It took merely a few minutes before Kelly was snoring softly, fast asleep. Matt smiled, kissing the top of his boyfriend’s head, his arms wrapped securely around Kelly as the man slept.

At some point while Kelly was asleep, he’d rolled onto his front and out of Matt’s arms, mumbling in his sleep. The blonde smiled as he watched Kelly sleep-talk. It was cute. But then Kelly’s voice became more and more slightly distressed, and Matt could make out the name “Benny” be spoken a few times.

He wondered if he should wake him up, but soon the mumbling stopped and the man had gone back to snoring peacefully.

Eventually, Matt slipped into a brief sleep as well, waking up next to Kelly roughly thirty minutes to an hour later. The man was now facing him, his eyes closed, so Matt assumed he was still asleep.

The blonde ran his fingertips lightly down Kelly’s arm, tracing over each definition of muscle. His fingers found their way to the man’s hip, running down his v-line as the blonde bit his lip. He swallowed, running his hand lightly over Kelly’s abs before slipping himself under the duvet and gently kissing over his boyfriend’s stomach, up to the centre of Kelly’s chest. He froze once he heard Kelly erupt in breathy laughs. Matt blushed.

“You’re adorable, you know?” Severide said, pulling Casey up so they were eye level. The older of the two leaned forward, kissing the blonde softly. Matt smiled into the kiss, snaking his hand around the back of Kelly’s neck, deepening their kiss.

When they finally pulled away, Matt asked him, “How long were you awake?”

“Long enough to know you find my body oh so mesmerizing.”

“Shut up!” Matt said, swatting Kelly in the chest. The older man cackled, a shit-eating grin spread across his face. The blonde rolled his eyes, blushing a bit. Kelly propped himself up on his elbows, “What do you think we can do to pass time until Shay gets back from shift? I mean, you know, we’re already in bed. So I suppose I think of a couple things that we can -”

“Oh shut up and take your boxers off.” Matt said, swiftly pulling Kelly down the bed a little so the man was lying flat on his back. The squad lieutenant smirked, “If you insist.”

  
  
  
  


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Matt was standing over the stove cooking something for himself and Kelly to have for lunch when he felt two hands resting on his hips and a chin on his shoulder. He smiled, “It’s not ready yet.”

“You look so cute in an apron.” The older man murmured, kissing Casey’s neck. The blonde blushed, “It’s just an apron, Kelly.” He hummed as he felt Kelly’s lips continue to move and press against his neck, biting his lip as his boyfriend’s hands dropped from his hips to his ass. “I think we should wait a little for round two, don’t you think?”

Kelly chuckled, “I’m just teasing you, Matty.”

“Well instead of that, go lay on the couch. You still have a concussion, and you should be resting.” Matt said, turning the chicken wings over that were frying in a pan.

“I feel fine.” Kelly insisted. Matt scoffed, “Lay down. Now. Go.”

Severide chuckled, holding his hands up and nodding in submission, “Alright, alright. I’m going.” He said, heading back over to the couch and laying back down. The truth was, his head was still pounding, but he couldn’t help himself from touching and kissing and holding Matt every spare chance he got. He loved the blonde, Matt was like a magnet for Kelly.

He turned on the TV, scrolling through options until he settled on a documentary on the ocean and sharks - not because it particularly interested him, but he just needed some background noise while he closed his eyes and rested until lunch was ready.

But as soon as the narrator mentioned the words “Great White shark” that was that. Kelly felt a dip in the couch, opening his eyes slightly to see Matt staring at the screen, rocking himself excitedly. And when the camera cut to a scene of a Great White swimming, the blonde’s hands began to flap excitedly by his sides.

Kelly hadn’t intentionally chosen this show, but he had to admit, seeing Matt be so engrossed in one of his special interests was definitely a sight that made the older man’s heart beat a little quicker.

....okay, maybe it was intentional. Sue him.

“Matty, the chicken.” Kelly said fondly, smiling at his boyfriend. Matt whined, “But Kelly... Sharks!”

“I know, babe. But I don’t have a taste for burned chicken wings.” Severide said, chuckling a little. “We can watch this together once the food’s ready, alright? I’ll pause it.” At that, Matt nodded, kissing Kelly’s lips with a small smile before heading back to finish the wings.

Once the food was prepared, Matt carried two plates of wings over to the couch, handing one to Kelly. The older man took it, “Thanks, Matty. They look great.” The blonde smiled shyly, sitting down beside Kelly, leaning into the man’s side.

“Oh, um- I wanted to ask...” Matt began. He bit his lip before continuing, “Erm- When you were sleeping earlier, you were sleep-talking. You mentioned a name, um... Benny?” 

Kelly’s muscles stiffened as he froze upon hearing the name of his father slip from Matt’s lips. The blonde frowned, “Kel?” He asked softly. The older man turned, facing the blonde, his eyes blank but cold, “Benny’s my dad.” Kelly answered, his voice as cold as the look in his eyes.

“Your dad? Um, is he... in your life?” Casey asked cautiously, a bit nervous from the change in Kelly’s facial expression and tone of voice.

“He’s a drunk.” Kelly responded bitterly. “He’s a poor excuse of a man, an even poorer excuse for a father. He isn’t in my life, nor will he ever be allowed to be in yours. He’s not a good person, Matty. And I want him _nowhere_ near you. Got it?”

Kelly’s chest was rising quickly, his hands shaking as he held them tightly together in his lap, his knuckles turning white. Matt quickly placed his hands over Kelly’s, “Hey... Hey, look at me.” He said, waiting until Kelly slowly raised his eyes to meet Matt’s gaze. Casey continued, “I’m sorry I mentioned it. We don’t have to talk about him, okay?” He said gently.

Kelly slowly lifted his left hand to his eyes, shutting his eyes. He sighed, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so... I’m sorry, Matty.” He whispered, shutting his eyes even tighter. “I’ll explain it all someday. Maybe when my head’s not pulsating against my brain.”

“Come here.” Matt whispered, guiding the other man to lean against his chest. “Just eat your wings and relax. There’s a bunch of time to tell me whatever you feel like telling me. You just need to rest now.”

“You’re pretty good at the whole taking care of me thing.” Kelly chuckled, nuzzling against the younger man’s chest. “It’s a bit weird. I’ve never been one to just let someone do all this for me.”

“You can’t always take care of others and leave nothing left for yourself.” Matt hummed, running his fingers through Kelly’s hair. The older man sighed in contentment, closing his eyes as Matt’s fingertips soothed the pounding in his skull. “I’ll always be here to take care of you, like you do for me.” The blonde whispered, kissing the spot above the covered injury on Kelly’s head.

  
  
  
  


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**_CHAPTER EIGHT: Miss You When You’re Not Around_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i also wanna say, if there's any grammar/spelling mistakes that i missed, i truly apologize. i really did edit for a total of probably five hours today, i just might've f-cked up a little b/c my brain isn't exactly functioning top notch. i'm struggling w/ sleep and my mental health. forgive me. :(


	9. Bad Memories and Bad Timing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severide is resting from a concussion and Casey gets a fever while Shay finishes her shift.
> 
> A flashback occurs, and Matt decides he needs some air - but when he's out for a walk, he's met with some trouble until Jay Halstead steps in to help. But apparently it wasn't enough. Matt needs to get away in the only way he knows how.
> 
> Word Count:  
> 3,584 words.

**CONTENT WARNING: mentions of SH (self-harm), child abuse, flashbacks, and a scene with harassment and violence.**

  
  
  


Kelly had fallen asleep in Matt's arms after they'd both finished their wings while the ocean documentary was still playing on the TV.

Matt'd began to tremble, feeling cold. He felt a thin sheen of sweat forming on his forehead despite the fact that he was freezing. He snuggled up closer to Kelly and without disturbing the man, he wrapped a blanket around himself and his boyfriend, falling asleep alongside the older man.

He was woken maybe twenty minutes after he'd fallen asleep by Kelly gently rubbing his shoulders.

"Matty? Baby... You're sweating, Matt. And you're shivering; are you cold?"

Matt sniffled, his eyes focusing on Kelly's before he gave a slow nod. Then he sneezed.

"Oh babe, I think you're getting a cold or something. You may have a fever, too." Kelly said, gently touching Matt's clammy forehead. "You're warm. Come on, let me get you into bed and I'll take your temperature."

Matt mumbled something incoherent, blinking his eyes slowly a few times. He sneezed again. "Cold..." He murmured. Kelly kissed the blonde's forehead, smiling gently, "Come on, babe. Let's get you into bed." He repeated.

He picked up Matt bridal style, carrying him into the bedroom. He'd wanted to ask the blonde a question today, but he supposed it could wait until Matt was more in tune with his surroundings and not feeling like crap.

"I should be taking care of you." The blonde muttered, feeling even worse because now Kelly had to take him to bed and care for _him_ when the older man was the one with a concussion.

Severide chuckled, "It's fine, babe." He said, laying Matt down in his bed. He left briefly to get a thermometer, turning it on and holding it above Matt's lips. "Open a bit for me, babe."

Matt opened his mouth slightly for Kelly to stick the item under his tongue. He waited until it beeped, then removed it from between Matt's lips.

"Yep. Definitely a fever. Just lay back and rest, okay?" Kelly told the blonde, kissing his cheek. Matt sighed, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to -"

"This isn't your fault, baby. Everyone gets sick, it's natural. But this probably has a lot to do with the fact that you're not wearing appropriate clothing for Chicago winter weather."

"But I -"

"Matty, your coat is as thin as a strand of hair. Your gloves have holes in them, babe. Your boots are worn to shit." Kelly said, smiling fondly at his boy who was always so intent on making everyone around him believe he was _just fine._

Matt sighed, "Okay."

"Look, erm- I want to take you shopping for better clothes. And I also don't want you to have a 'spare key' anymore."

"Huh?" Matt mumbled, furrowing his brows. "Did I do something wrong? I -"

"Let me finish." Kelly said, smiling. "I want it to be _your_ key. A 'spare key' implies you don't live here."

"Y-You -" Matt started, eyes watering as he understood Kelly's implications. "M-Move in? You want me to... L-Live with you? Permanently?"

"Yeah, baby boy." Kelly whispered, feeling his own eyes start to water. Matt reached forward, wiping Kelly's cheeks before kissing him softly. "But, what if- I don't want to burden you, I don't -"

"You're not a burden, Matty. I want you here, all the time, permanently. I love you, Matt."

The blonde giggled through his tears, wiping his eyes, "I love you too, you make me so fucking happy, Kelly."

"You make me happy too, Matt. Happier than I've been in years."

  
  
  
  


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Kelly sighed, rolling onto his side while he lay on the couch, staring at a blank TV screen. Matt was taking a shower. His head was fucking throbbing.

He pulled out his phone, typing a quick text to Shay:

_I asked him, he said yes :) we need to plan a shopping trip, he's got a fever from standing out in the cold in that awful coat he's got._

He clicked his phone off and slipped it into his pocket. He was about to lean his head back when he heard a crash and thud from the bathroom.

"Matt!?" Kelly called, leaping from the couch and -despite the pounding in his head from the sudden movement- he rushed to the bathroom door.

**_'Fuck, he locked it.'_ **He said to himself, jiggling the knob in frustration. "Matt?? Baby, answer me, are you okay?"

He was met with sobbing, and the sound of a rhythmic thudding - probably Matt hitting his head against the wall.

"Matt, sweet heart, open the door, okay baby? It's just me, let me in, babe..." Kelly pleaded. He waited a moment and was met with silence, but then he heard the door click. He exhaled in relief, opening the bathroom door. He saw Matt sitting curled up against the bathtub, naked, shivering and slapping his palm against the top of his head, eyes scrunched tight.

Severide wrapped a towel around his boy's shoulders, sitting beside him. He opened his arms, thankful when Matt leaned into him. The boy sobbed, shaking, and curled up against Kelly's chest. Kelly crooned, rubbing Matt's back, "Shh... Baby, what happened?"

Matt sniffled, shaking his head, "L-Later."

"Wanna talk about it later?"

Matt nodded, wiping his cheeks. "I-I gotta get dressed." He said, standing up quickly and shrugging off the towel. Kelly nodded, "Okay. I'll be in the kitchen, okay? Want me to make you something?"

"Just water and Aspirin. Headache." Matt answered curtly, starting to dress himself.

Kelly left, closing the door and sighing softly. He hated seeing his boy in pain and not being able to do anything. Even worse, knowing Matt was internally suffering and choosing to keep it internal. He understood Matt was guarded, and he wanted to remain respectful and patient. But he just hated feeling so useless - he wanted to help his boyfriend, but had no idea how to.

He went to the kitchen, pouring a glass of water and getting out one Aspirin pill. He turned when he heard Matt approaching. “Here,” he said, “Take this. I’m gonna probably lay down for a bit - head’s killing me. You think you’re going to be okay?”

“I’ll be fine. You go and rest. I’m sorry about all this...” Matt said with a sigh, taking the pill and swallowing it with the water.

“Hey, it’s fine, alright? Don’t worry. Shay’ll probably be back soon. I love you, Matty.” Kelly said, kissing the blonde’s cheek softly before heading to his room to lay down.

“I love you too.” Matt said quietly once Kelly had already disappeared into the bedroom. He sighed, leaning his hip against the counter, feeling achy and cold. He hated being sick.

He headed to the couch, turned on the TV but kept the volume low so he wouldn’t disturb Kelly. He began rewatching the ocean documentary, but couldn’t even get excited once the Great White’s began appearing on screen; his mind was too full of memories from his past.

That’s what had happened in the shower - he’d had a flashback.

It was dumb how it happened, but that’s how it goes. Triggers aren’t always something so blatantly obvious, they can be something subtle, something small that reminds a person of an event or moment from their past. In Matt’s case, it was Kelly’s razor that was sitting on the bathroom sink; the man had probably recently shaven and forgot to put it away.

Matt had found himself staring at the item, his mind whirling and soon he was thrown back into his past, when he’d first discovered his sister’s secret.

**CW: SH (self-harm) and child abuse.**

He remembered entering the bathroom to his parents’ home, back when he still lived there as a child, and seeing his sister’s arms covered in blood. He’d screamed and turned to flee, but his father was already coming to see what was going on.

He’d beaten Matt for what his sister had done, telling the boy -who was no older than twelve or thirteen at the time- to make a cut on himself with the blade Christie had used. Matt sobbed, begging for mercy, but Greg Casey only sneered, laughing in young Matt’s face, handing him the blade as if to say _‘here. Go on, do it.’_

Christie was sobbing, telling Matt she was “so sorry” but Matt didn’t respond, he _couldn’t_ respond. He was trembling, scared of what he was about to do. At this time, he’d never cut himself before.

Greg slapped Matt hard across the cheek; **“I SAID, CUT YOURSELF, YOU STUPID FREAK!”**

Matt cried in fear, shakily bringing the blade to his arm, tears cascading down his cheeks.

And that was the first time he’d self-harmed, in front of his father and sister.

**CW over.**

The walls were closing in. He couldn’t focus. Being in the apartment was just getting to be too much at that moment; he needed some air. He stood up and scrawled a note for Severide, letting him know he’d be back soon, he just needed to go for a walk and clear his mind.

He bundled up in one of Severide’s spare winter coats (the man had a serious clothing obsession - he owned four of everything, and that’s not even an exaggeration), a warm scarf, and a pair of gloves that did not have holes in them. He was hesitant about taking things that didn’t belong to him without asking, but he figured he’d be back before Kelly even woke up.

He grabbed his key and headed out the front door, locking it behind him.

He headed out of the building, exhaling softly as he was met with fresh air; this definitely felt better than being alone with his thoughts on the couch. He even found himself smiling slightly as he started walking in the general direction of the city.

He smiled as he saw a woman walking her dog. The dog looked briefly at Matt, sticking out its tongue happily, before being led away on its leash. Casey imagined what it would be like to have a dog; he’d loved them ever since he was a child. But living on his own, working a minimum wage job and paying rent, he realized too soon how hard it’d be to pay vet bills on top of all that - he struggled too much financially to even consider taking care of another living thing.

He sighed as he passed a few corner stores before realizing he should probably circle back, as it’d been roughly ten minutes already. He pulled the wool scarf around his cheeks before he crossed a street and turned to head back to Severide’s and Shay’s apartment - which was technically also his apartment now. The thought made him smile.

His good mood suddenly vanished when he caught sight of a few familiar faces approaching him from afar. He swallowed thickly, feeling a lump rise in his throat.

It was those jerks from the coffee shop, the ones who always found joy in harassing Matt.

He let out a low moan, flicking his hand by his right side, balling his left fist and gently hitting his thigh anxiously. He flinched when they got closer to him, one of them calling out two familiar words:

**CW: R slur, F slur, harassment and violence.**

“Hey retard!!”

Matt bit the inside of his cheek, whimpering as the group of five men circled around him. “Where’s your boyfriend, huh? Not here to protect you this time, is he, faggot?” One of them sneered, shoving Matt in the chest.

He remained silent except for the low moaning at the back of his throat which the group found so hysterical. “He can’t even speak.” Another one of them jeered, poking him in the side of his neck, making him shriek at the contact that he did not consent to.

“We had to spend a night in lock up ‘cause of you, you know?” One of the bigger and probably older men said, looking at Matt with hatred in his eyes. The blonde sniffled, “J-Just want t-to go home, please.” He said softly, thinking that the use of ‘please’ would somehow help him out of this situation.

**_‘Maybe they’ll let me go if I’m polite?’_ **He thought to himself, but then began to back away in fear as the larger man stepped closer, sneering. He punched Matt in the stomach, winding him. The blonde coughed, falling to his knees. The group only snickered, no one helping him up or backing away now that he was injured.

**CW over.**

**“HEY!”** A man’s voice called from across the street.

Matt looked up and watched through blurred eyes as a man no older than Kelly approached the group. He flashed a CPD badge, “You jerks looking for another night behind bars? Get the hell out of here before I call for backup, and drag your asses back to where they belong.”

The group of men who were harassing Matt looked to one another before one spit on the ground inches away from where Matt still stood on his knees, doubled over in both pain and fear, before leading his group away with a few incoherent mutters.

“You alright?” The man -who Matt had come to understand was a Chicago PD officer- had asked, offering the blonde his hand. Casey ignored his offer and stood up on his own, “Fine.” He replied, wiping his teary eyes and stained cheeks before turning to walk away.

“Hey, wait.” The officer called. “My name’s Jay Halstead. I know your boyfriend, Kelly Severide. Let me take you home.”

“No, thank you. I’m fine. Thanks for the help.” Matt mumbled, not meeting Jay’s eyes. Halstead nodded, “Alright. You’re heading home now, then?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. Take care, erm... Matt, right?”

Casey nodded, still not looking Jay in the eye.

“Alright. Take care, Matt.”

“Bye.” The younger man replied before he began walking away - but if only Jay knew he wasn’t heading towards the direction of Kelly’s apartment.

  
  
  
  


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Kelly was pacing the apartment despite the huge headache that had sprung up about twenty minutes ago from his agitated state and concern for wherever the hell his boyfriend was.

“Shay, it’s pitch black outside! Why the hell haven’t they found him yet?”

The blonde woman sniffled, wiping her eyes, sighing. She put her face in her hands, “Kelly, I don’t know, okay? Voight’s out there with his team - he said he had search dogs with them. They’ll find him, okay?”

“He’s sick! He could get pneumonia out there like this.” Severide said, kicking at the carpet in frustration. Hank had told them both to stay put in case Matt came back, but it’d been hours since Kelly had woken up and found the note. And to know that Halstead had run into Matt earlier after seeing him with those pricks... It made his stomach turn.

“He should be here. With me. With us.” Kelly whispered, finally taking a seat at the table and putting his head in his palms. Shay rubbed his shoulders, “Kelly, they’ll find him. He’s okay.” She said, unsure if she was trying to convince Kelly or herself at this point.

This running and hiding thing that Matt had a habit of doing scared Shay. It always had. She’d spent countless nights in the past, before Kelly even knew Matt, worrying and waiting for the phone call from PD saying that the blonde man was safe and okay.

Suddenly, Kelly’s phone rang.

He lunged for it, not even checking the caller ID, “Hello??”

“We got him.” Spoke Hank’s voice on the other end of the line. “He’s hypothermic, so we called an ambo, they’re taking him down to Med.”

Kelly exhaled hard, rubbing his eyes. “Alright,” he said, “Shay and I are on our way. Tell him that.”

The next moment of time until they’d reached Chicago Med was blur. Kelly could only remember the pit that opened in his gut as he saw Matt laying on a hospital bed in the ER, a heated blanket being placed over him, his lips blue, his skin ghostly pale.

Shay was at his side as soon as the nurses stepped away. She grabbed his freezing hands, “Buddy, what the hell were you thinking, huh? You should have called me, or Kelly. You can’t take off running like this, Matty.” She said in a rush of words and kisses over Matt’s pale face. He moaned softly in distress, curling into himself under the heated blanket.

Kelly mumbled something about needing a coffee before he took off towards the cafeteria. He’d hid himself away somewhere by a vending machine, holding the cup of coffee in his shaking hands as he sat against the wall. He’d let out a breathy sob, resting his head on his knees.

**_‘What good are you if you can’t even keep him safe?’_ **He said despairingly to himself. He wiped his running nose and damp cheeks, sighing shakily before taking a sip of the bitter black coffee.

He looked up once he’d heard footsteps approaching. Jay.

“Well aren’t you looking like one sorry son of a bitch.” The PD officer mused, raising a brow at Severide. The squad lieutenant snorted, standing up properly and let out a sigh, “Yeah, I guess I’m a hell of a sight right now.”

Halstead stuffed his hands in his jean pockets, gazing into the contents of the vending machine. “Don’t they have any good stuff? Who eats this crap?”

“Hey, I actually appreciate Snickers bars, thank you.” Severide chuckled.

Halstead smiled a little at the CFD man. He eyed him questioningly, “So why’re you out here against this wall, sitting on a floor that the crazy homeless man outside who thinks he’s Jesus has probably pissed on, instead of upstairs with your boyfriend?”

Kelly blew out some air, “Good question,” he said, “I mean, probably ‘cause I feel like I can’t protect him worth a damn, and he’s probably better off with Shay than me. At least Shay knows him better than I do.”

“I don’t think that’s necessarily true.” Jay said, popping a few coins in the vending machine for a bottle of coke. “I really think you should go and see him. By staying here, you’re only putting ideas in his head that this was his fault, and you’re avoiding or upset with him.”

Severide sighed. He scrubbed a hand over his face, knowing Halstead was right. He tossed the coffee cup into the trash and nodded, “Alright. You going to stick around?”

“No. I’ll probably head home.”

“Right. See you around, then. And thank you for everything.”

Jay smiled, cracking the bottle top off of the coke bottle, “Anytime.”

Kelly headed back up to where Matt was after saying goodbye to Jay. He smiled fondly when he saw Matt smiling faintly, engaging in conversation with Shay. The woman turned upon noticing Kelly’s presence. She smiled, her eyes showing she was tired emotionally.

“Buddy, look who’s here.” She said to Matt, rubbing his knee. The younger man looked at Severide, seeming small and scared in this moment. “I’m sorry.” Casey said, looking down at his hands. Kelly approached the hospital bed, sitting beside Matt, opening his arms. The blonde shuffled forward, leaning against Kelly’s side. The older man said, “There isn’t anything to be sorry for.”

“I must’ve worried you. And Leslie.”

“You did. But what happened wasn’t your fault. You just need to remember that when things get rough, you can always come home, babe. That’s your home now. And you’re safe there, with me and Shay. You’ll always be safe there.”

Matt sniffled, sneezing into his elbow. Kelly frowned, “Did the docs say when you can come home?”

“After I warm up a bit more. So, I guess later on tonight. They didn’t mention an overnight stay.”

“They said to go see a local doctor if he shows signs of bronchitis or anything like that.” Shay piped up from where she was seated.

Kelly sighed, nodding. He wrapped his arms tighter around Matt, kissing his blonde mop of hair. “I see you’re wearing my coat.”

Casey blushed, “I thought it’d be okay, I didn’t -”

“It is okay. I’m glad you’re wearing it. You would’ve caught pneumonia for sure if you were wearing yours.” Kelly said, resting his chip atop of Matt’s head. The blonde hummed, nuzzling into Severide’s chest and warmth.

“I’m going to go call Dom. She’s sent a few messages, I haven’t told her where we are yet.” Shay said, pulling out her mobile. She left the room to make the phone call.

Kelly rubbed the back of Matt’s neck, “I love you, Matty. You can always feel safe with me.”

“I do... I swear, I do. I don’t know why I do this, why I run. I don’t... I... I don’t know.” Matt whispered. Kelly shushed him, wrapping him in the hospital bed sheets, kissing his cheek. He squeezed the younger man’s hand, “Just rest now.”

“Lie here with me.” Matt said softly.

Kelly nodded, laying down on the narrow bed beside his boy, kissing the back of his head as they both lay in a spooning position - Matt being the ‘little spoon’ of course. And that’s how they remained until Shay came back to find them both asleep.

She smiled fondly, “My boys.” She whispered, shaking her head slowly and chuckling to herself.

  
  
  
  


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**_CHAPTER NINE: Bad Memories and Bad Timing_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact, i also currently am suffering w/ a concussion just like Kelly. XD


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